Destiny ~ Dean Winchester (love story), part two

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xAngie POVx

My whole body still shook as I steadied myself, trying to process the last few minutes-the last few days, really.

I had told myself that if this was how I'd die, at least I died for someone good, something good. I had told myself that I'd hold on as long as I needed to and then I could let go of the pain and the pressure.

It would've been perfect: I had just discovered that my dead mother in fact wasn't hunting me and that I wasn't going insane. I was closer to Justin and Keza than ever, I remembered my deep friendship with Sam, my odd but healing relation to Castiel and... then there was Dean.

I finally had that piece of myself back, I knew what it was like to be with him, to learn to trust him, to touch him. Even though the version of me after Lucifer rise fell in love with Dean all over again, I wouldn't have wanted to live without the memory from before, when he actually wanted me too.

There was just one minor issue: I didn't die.
I survived.
I had already been at 5% of my powers, I had given it my all and it was enough. It felt surreal, like I was standing on the other side of a threshold I'd barely survived crossing.

Jo leaned back against the wall, her breathing shaky but steady, her hand still gingerly pressed over her bandaged stomach, she looked me in the eyes and ironically, I saw some of my own emotions in them: Jo wasn't sure she should be alive right now.

"Thank you," Jo said finally, her voice edged with disbelief. She paused, clearly struggling with what to say next. "I didn't... I didn't think you'd do that." Her words were so blunt that I almost laughed. At least she seemed to be genuine.

"You're welcome, Jo. It was... just the right thing to do," I replied, my tone a little distant, as if brushing off any implied personal attachment. As if I hadn't told Dean five minutes ago that Jo and him should be together. As if I wasn't jealous of her just for being human and loved.

"It's not that I thought you didn't care about people," Jo said quietly, explaining herself, "but, uh... well, we haven't exactly been close."

I gave her a small, tired smile. "Doesn't matter. We're in this fight together. I don't have to be close to someone to know their life's worth saving."

"Right," Jo murmured, nodding slowly. She took a breath, steadying herself, and let the corners of her mouth lift into a small, grateful smile. "Well... I appreciate it. More than you know."

"Me too.", Ellen suddenly sobbed.
Before I knew what was happening, she pulled me into a fierce hug, I thought Ellen might press all the air out of my lungs but I felt dizzy anyways.
"Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you."
She didn't exactly come across as the most affectionate woman and that simple gesture somehow touched something fragile inside of me. My own mom would've rather cut her arms off than hug me.

Keza proceeded to take her place, whispering that she always knew I could do it, that she never doubted me for a second and just that spirit alone reminded me so much of Len that I wanted to cry.
I wanted to let myself feel so much right now but I had to keep it together.

The person I wanted most a hug from, the person I wanted most in general just stood there. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop myself. I didn't want to; I wanted him here, to feel him holding me as if the last few months hadn't happened. As if they'd never lost each other. But things were different now. I had lost her memory, and Dean had let our history fall away with it.

The reality stung. Dean had kept the truth from me, and honestly, I didn't know what hurt more: the fact that he hadn't trusted me with it, or the knowledge that he'd seen my memory loss as a clean slate. It was like he'd used my lost memories to reset us, like he'd seen a chance to erase everything between us and took it without looking back.