ALL TO MYSELF

XXXIX - Liyah

Time is flying by so fast. Seems like just yesterday I was in France with the girls and now we're less than a week away from the wedding. I tried my best to hide how overwhelmed I was getting with constant wedding planning and making sure everything was set for our special day but Pluto knows me too well. He sent me on a turnaround trip home to go visit Mama and clear my head.

I stepped out of the car with her favorite flowers, walking towards her grave. I still didn't like coming here but it felt good to talk to her and just feel her presence around me. I placed the flowers by her headstone, laying out the blanket I brought so I could sit and talk to her for a while.

"H-Hey, Mama," I smiled, trying to hold back my tears. "A lot has happened since the last time I came. I'm getting married, Ma."

I silently broke down, wishing she could be here with me. I wasn't supposed to do this without her.

"I miss you so much," I cried. "You're supposed to be here with me."

I grabbed the pack of tissues Pluto packed for me out of my purse, wiping the tears from my face and trying to calm myself down.

"I met Alonzo. He's gonna walk me down the aisle and give me away in your place. And I'm decorating a seat just for you so you can still be a part of this with me."

"Liyah?" a voice behind me asked, interrupting my thoughts.

I turned around to see who it was, raising my hand over my eyes to shield my face from the sun.

"Darius. What are you doing here?" I asked, standing and wiping tears from my face.

"My grandmother is buried over there. I came to put flowers on her grave. I didn't know you were home."

"No one does. I just came for a few hours."

"Must be nice to be able to just pop in and out," he laughed. "Congrats on the engagement, by the way. When's the wedding?"

"Saturday. Congrats to you too, I forgot you got married earlier this year."

"Thanks," he half smiled. "We're separated now."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that."

"Don't be. It was my fault. I shouldn't have married her knowing I wasn't over you."

"It's been years, Darius."

"And after all this time it was always you. I hate that things ended the way they did between us and I never got the chance to make things right."

"Why, Darius? Days before my fucking wedding?"

"Because that should be us, Aaliyah. I know you. You hate that fast life, always being in the spotlight. It's only a matter of time before you get burnt out."

"That's the problem. You still think I'm the same naive girl that allowed you to walk over her and now that your life is falling apart you want me to come in and save the day."

"Look at who you with. You think you not doing the same for him? 4 kids with different women, babies constantly being put on him, always dragging you in drama. You better than that."

"And you were a saint?! My mother was dying and you didn't give a fuck about what I was going through. That man took every piece of me that YOU broke and put me back together again and you expect me to bring his finished product back to you?"

"I've learned from my mistakes. I'm not the same person I was."

"You broke me, Darius. I spent years pushing people away, afraid that they would hurt me just like you did while you were happy. And one person, one person, loved me beyond my pain and never gave up on me. Yes he has kids, and I love them. Yes they're all by different women, and we have mutual respect for each other. Could I do better? Maybe. But it will never be with you."

I bent down, grabbing my blanket and purse before starting to head back to the car.

"Liyah, wait," he called after me, stopping me in my tracks. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not," I shrugged, turning to face him. "I'm grateful for everything I went through with you. Without you, I would've never known what it's like to truly be loved. Thank you."

I gave him a quick smile, turning to continue my walk to the car.

hours later

"Honey, I'm hoooome," I sang as usual, closing and locking the front door.

I turned, stopping when I saw a trail of lavender rose petals leading up the stairs. I slowly walked over, grabbing the railing and making my way up as I started to hear music coming from the bedroom.

"Baby?" I called for him, slowly opening the door and sticking my head in.

He was standing in the bedroom, holding the last lavender rose he decided not to sprinkle on the stairs as Promise by Jagged Edge played softly in the background. He held his hand out for me as I walked towards him, smiling so hard I thought I would break my teeth.

"What's all of this?" I asked, placing my hand in his.

"We've been together almost 2 years and we've never slow danced," he smiled, wrapping his arms around me, giving me a kiss. "I gotta make sure you don't step on my feet in a few days."

I laughed, blushing as I wrapped my arms around his neck. We started dancing slowly moving side to side as he sang the lyrics to me, terribly.

"I'm glad you're a better rapper than singer," I teased.

"Girl bye," he chuckled, mocking what Tiff and I always said to each other. "How was your day?"

"It was decent. I ran into Darius at the cemetery."

"And?" he questioned, raising his eyebrow at me.

"Talking to him put a lot of things into perspective for me. Love isn't lazy and it isn't something that just happens. Neither of us are perfect and despite our flaws, we still choose each other everyday."

"It took you this long to realize that?" he laughed softly.

"Shut up," I laughed. "We were two broken people when we found each other but we worked together to pick up the pieces and create what we have now. I wouldn't trade that for anything in this world."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"What made you come and see me the first time I reached out to you?"

"If I tell you, you can't laugh."

"Knowing you, I'm not sure if I can promise that," he smiled.

"Remember when we went to Italy and saw the Trevi Fountain and I wanted to throw a penny in and make a wish?"

"Yeah, all you had was a quarter and you refused to throw it in."

"That's the same quarter I flipped the night you first reached out to me. Heads, I respond. Tails, I ignore."

"You let a quarter decide your future?" he laughed.

"No," I responded softly, shaking my head. "It landed on tails."