Hold Me Down-Halsey
I'm not okay (I promise)-My Chemical Romance
Island In The Sun - Weezer
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"Where am I?" I ask before I open my eyes. The blinding light is visible through my eyelids. My mothers tear stained face beside my fathers. Across from them is Harry.
"What's happening?" I ask confused. They all look like they've seen a miracle.
"You-you started seizing again Kassie." Harry says to me again. All I remember is falling asleep next to Harry in the snow storm.
The doctor comes in to inform us that the treatments aren't working and the cancer has traveled from my pancreas and into my blood vessels. After he says that I check out of the conversation.
I'm in the final stage of the cancer. Tears silently spill onto my cheeks.
"Can I have a moment?" I ask suddenly.
"Lets continue this outside." He says to my parents and leaves with grim smile; my parents and Harry right behind him. I can hear their conversation through the slightly open door, but I don't process any of it.
Slowly, I lift my legs on to one side of the bed. The bathroom light is dim and reflects the feelings of the hospital. I splash water onto my now red cheeks from crying.
"Don't do this Kassie." I whisper to myself. "You're a strong girl, just bare through it for a while longer." I sob into my hands. The cold floor of the bathroom is the only thing I can feel. The while scene is exactly like one from months ago, finding out you're going to die never changes. You still feel the same under whatever circumstances you might be under.
"Kassie?" Harry's voice comes from behind the bathroom door.
"Kas, babe are you okay?" He calls again. The door into the hospital room closes and his footsteps become louder as they reach the door.
"Kassie, are you in here?" He opens the door to find my small figure curled up and drenched in tears. His face, a complete mirror to mine, frowns as he pulls me up into a hug.
"Kassie, its okay, we'll be okay. Please don't cry." He whispers into my ear. How could I have done this again? I've brought yet another person into the sad island I live on. When I leave it will just be them, I vowed that I didn't want to hurt anyone else. So, thats why what I do next is for him.
"Harry," I whisper. His lips curl into a slight reassuring smile. "We can't do this anymore." I close my eyes tight. He let's go to look at me.
"What are you talking about?" He asks. I open my eyes to see his confusion.
"Who are we kidding Harry? This," I point to our embracing arms. "This doesn't mean anything. I mean I've only just met you. You don't have to stick around anymore. You're not obligated to stay." I say softly, the words like acid on my tongue.
"Kassie, I love you. I don't know why you would think I wouldn't stay." His voice is defensive now. He's frowning more and holding my hands only.
"Well Harry, I don't love you." I lie.
"I've already told you Kassie, I'm staying regardless." He says angrily now.
"Harry!" I'm crying now. " I said I don't want you." The lying comes so easily. I only want what's best for him.
"Kassie, you're not going to hurt me. I promise, is this what its about?" He's pleading. His hands reaching towards my shoulders. For the last time I feel his arms around me and I'm ready to crack, to sob into his shoulder and apologize, tell him that every single word was a lie. But, then I don't.
"Harry, get off of me!" I push him, for the last time. "I just want you to leave. Go!" I cry again. This time he listens. Defeated, his eyes no longer gleam. They're as dull as a butter knife.
Just like that, the light of my life was gone. I stayed in the hospital for seven days after our fight. Three of seven Harry kept calling my cell. Two of the seven he called my parents and the last two days were dead silent.
When I arrived back home the scene in from of me told me the whole story. The lamp beside my bed was gone, I guess it had fallen in the rush, my bed was mess. My parents hadn't been back to clean since a day after the incident.
There in the corner was Harry's borrowed sweater. I crawled into the bed, wrapped in it. Everything still smelled like him. His almond shampoo and aromatics cologne. I wanted to cry but nothing happened. Just the distant sound of our heater and the murmurs of my parents below me.
***
"I don't understand. She just snapped?" She asks me. I cuddle into my duvet further and nod for the millionth time.
"Haz, I don't get it. From what you've told me, this doesn't sound anything like her." My sister says with concern. Instead of listening I stare at my pale blue wall and think about her. She continues to talk as I stare at the wall and think about her. Her hair, the color of corn silk and her eyes the color of the clouds before rain, or the sky on a hot day. Her irises changing when she was happy and her giggling laugh.
"Harry? Are you okay?" Gemma asks again. I don't answer.
"You need to go to her, she obviously didn't know what she was talking about. People say things they don't mean under pressure." She says. I nod slightly and know exactly what she means.
Gemma finally leaves. I sit up and walk to my sock drawer. Today is exactly a week until Christmas. Its been two weeks since I've seen her. I don't know what to do. She said she didn't want me, so should I go to her? I decide to try once more.
The car ride seems longer than usual, the waves crashing into the rocks are grey. The sky is grey, everything that once held color is grey. Finally the house appears in front of me. I walk onto the porch and knock on the door.
"Oh," Her mother answers the door. Bags beneath her eyes and frown lines engraved into her skin. "Harry, its erm, nice to see. Kassie isn't seeing anyone." She says quickly, also quite loud. Then she pushes me towards the porch following me. The door closes behind her and she hugs me unexpectedly.
"Harry, I'm sorry. She isn't seeing anyone we only see her for meals and then she barely stays for half the meal." She says, tears pouring down. I apologize and let her know I'm here for them. My hope isn't gone but only a shard of it is left and if I'm not careful I could easily loose it.
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Thank you so much for reading! I told you something was going to to happen. I'm currently writing this with no WiFi and so when I do get WiFi I will double update.
Thanks for staying or welcome!
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Last wishes
Fanfictionh.s. [au] Kassie was enjoying the last few days of her summer break at the beach with her boyfriend and best friends then going back to school for her last year. Everything was going right, until it all went terribly wrong. She's sick, very sick an...
