Last wishes

Epilogue

Love You Goodbye-One Direction

I Want to Write You a Song-One Direction

First Love-Adele

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Death had been on my mind for months. I'd been diagnosed with terminal cancer, my best friend died in a car crash. How could I not feel death all around me?

They say you have a few good days before you pass on. I remember when my grandma died she was happy and awake for the first time in months. We took a trip into downtown and it all felt like everything was going to be okay. Then a week later she had passed away in her sleep.

Harry's death stuck with me. A month had gone by before I could even say his name. I hadn't gone to school after the break for a few weeks and it worried my parents but I saw what I was doing to them. I did what I always did, I covered my feeling and pretended I was fine. I had to, would Harry want me to spend my life in my room? Only if he were there with me.

My first day at school was weird, everyone stared and everyone whispered when I was out of sight. I could hear everything though.

"I can't believe he died." "Do you thinkhe killed himself?" "I heard he was drunk." "I heard he was drunk because of her." "That's tragic, especially if she dies too."

Niall didn't have to persuade much when he suggested I wear headphones in the halls. Now classical music floods my mind as I walk through the halls.

Harry had an unknown interest in classical music because his sister brought a small box of Cd's she thought I might like to have. He also had a knack for collecting CD's because she said he'd had tons in his closet and this was one of the many boxes.

My favorites are from Swan Lake and The Nutcracker. The Nutcracker is full of music that is upbeat and full of energy, exactly the opposite of how I feel. Swan lake feels so sad but beautiful. I want to be happy but I can't forget the ache of sadness behind it all.

Through all that has happened in the last few months Niall has been there for me. My parents have showed unconditional love and now I visit Harry's parents a few times a week. Gemma is such a nice person and we've become friends because of how much time we've spent together.

Some days I daydream about Harry, about the house we promised to each other. I sit in class doodling and thinking of how our children would have looked and how we were going to have a beautiful life. Some nights I spend crying repeating that, "It would have been beautiful." I respond to the unspoken question.

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Everyone sees me as Niall, the laid back guy who could give a fuck. I'm Niall the guy who never really shows his feelings. Niall, who can go on a 6 hour video game binge. So when Harry died no one really noticed me. No one noticed the tears in my eyes, no one noticed how I wept in the bathroom after someone said his name. No one noticed when small cuts started appearing beneath my sleeves.

I'm not one for having all of the attention on me but it does hurt when everyone you know is so deep in mourning that they forget to comfort each other. Sure Kas was there but most days we were lucky if she finished a conversation. I can tell Ally wants to help but most days she's at a loss for words.

We're all at a stop in our lives, a stop that no one knows how to get out of. Harry was such a good friend and now he was gone. Even after months have gone by there's not a day when I don't think about my best friend being gone.

"Babe, are you okay?" She asks. He hair shining in the sun and he eyes full of concern. Harry wouldn't want us to live in the past, and so I have to make the first move.