The Black Snow Circus

Wind-up Doll

A felt a sharp pang of pain, and I groaned, and slowly opened my eyes. Everything was so blurry and my vision was kind of jumbled, but I could make out a tan...ceiling maybe? It was kind of pointed, so I think I was in a tent. It wasn't really easy to tell. I tried to get up, but every time I moved, it felt as though a rock was thrown at me. So I stopped attempting to move. I was so tired still, but wanted to stay conscious so I could see if I was in enemy territory or not. But, slowly but surely, memories of before I had passed out returned, and I felt an overwhelming flow of....emotions go through me all at once. Sadness, relief that I was temporarily safe, even...joy from seeing Eric? It felt like a massive rush to me, as I hadn't really noticed these feelings before at all. It was very different and odd to me...but I finally could feel again...finally. I heard light footsteps, and did my best to look over, and I saw...Eric. So I was safe. I couldn't smile, not used to that yet, but I was glad to see Eric. At this rate, I really don't think anyone else could make me feel joy. He saw my open eyes, and a flash of an emotion went through his eyes. I was just getting used to what emotions were again, so I didn't recognize it. It was also a miracle I could even recognize Eric, as my vision was still distorted. Eric ran over to me, and crouched down, and I could hear well enough to make out a few words.
"You're...awake....thank...been four days....thank the...."
I didn't know what to think, but it was nice for me. I felt safe, and so, closed my eyes once again.

A few days passed, and soon I had healed, not completely, but quick enough to be shocking due to the injuries I had. Ten bruises, two black eyes, a busted lip, both of my arms were sprained, and one of my legs was broken. That probably was why I fell when Eric found me, and I had only been able to move quickly due to my bodies natural reflexes. Being an assassin really saved me there. I shook my head, returning my mind to the present, and walked around the grounds. I was back at the circus, but I hadn't really shown myself to anyone. They all probably thought I was with Fin, or dead, or murdering people because it's really not out of character for me. The emotions I had were there, but kind of dormant, like Valia had been. Anyways, I was just heading out to the forest to do some training, even though Eric might have told me to rest, and I would probably get an earful from him again later, I was ok with it. I moved through the deep undergrowth, the trees hiding the moonlight, and it was completely dark. I wasn't going to risk being found out, so flash bomb resistance training would have to wait. I found a clearing, different from the one I had been in before a while ago, then again we'd switched locations...again. That was our life, always on the run, doing assassinations from place to place. I'd get used to life again. We'd first need to take out Fin and whatever his group was, as I had already forgotten the name. I walked to a tree, and did the same thing I have done before to start training, and I would practice with acid blades this time. They are a blade that has a steel that can resist acid, so it's usually lined with it. I didn't really use it unless I was feeling like making it really dramatic, in an assassination. I whistled, skipping along, and casually threw the knives, and it melted the bark..yeah maybe this wasn't the smartest idea for a training spot. I then heard voices, and immediately jumped into a tree, hiding myself from view, and doing my best to hide my presence. I looked down to see none other than Jack, Tara, Eric and Carlene, who wore a eyepatch right now. Oopsies. They were having a strategy meeting, I could tell. I didn't really want to listen, but since training had increased every single sense, that included hearing, and I didn't really have a choice.
"So, what should we do right now? For our next mission. We have been assigned to take down the group that this "Fin" guy seems to lead. But they have Circe, and might pull a trick with one of us and threaten our lives, and well, she would kill one of us to save another, as we have now learned."
That voice belonged to Jack. That's the most I had ever hear him speak of me, congratulations Jack, you've spoken about me without looking like you wanted to vomit, I listened to them, and heard Tara speak.
"I guess it's fine if I tell you all. They won't be attacking us any more, and I told "him" that, so the assignment had been cancelled"
"Why won't they be attacking us anymore?"
Eric asked, and he tilted his head to the side. It was weird seeing that, as it looked exactly like I did when I pretended to be confused. And then, I heard something that I wish I could unhear
"Because I hired them to take Circe, and Fin was more than happy to agree because he wanted her."
It went dead silent. I stopped breathing for a few seconds.
"What. Did. You. Just. Say"
This time, it was my voice. I leapt out of the tree, and landed behind them, and they all snapped their heads in my direction. Tara's eyes widened, Jack had a look of shock and slight annoyance cross his face, Carlene just flinched a little, and Eric's face was a mix of sadness, shock, and anger, directed at Tara.
"You.....HIRED FIN AND HIS GROUP TO TAKE ME?"
That's the moment I raised my voice for the very first time. I didn't understand this feeling going through me. My entire body was shaking, my eyes were widened, and I didn't know how to react. Tara...Why Tara....why did she hire them? Why why why why!
"Well, this is unexpected. I should have known your escape from them..."
"ANSWER MY QUESTION!"
I saw Tara flinch for the first time since...never. I could see her trying to keep calm, but it was hard, I could tell, but I didn't care.
"B-Because Circe, you need to realize one, single tiny thing. You are the danger to all of us. You massacred a town, killed Mary when ordered without hesitation, and wouldn't even blink when ordered to do it to us. You don't even act human! You're just some wind-up doll  for "him!"
Those words were like a rock to the head. Sh-she thought I was some kind of...killing machine? I looked at everyone's faces, and Jacks was one of...agreement, Carlene's was of fear and slight anger, and I didn't even dare to look at Eric's. I took a step back, and clutched my chest, and it felt like something was just bubbling up. And then, something inside me broke.
" I-I'M NOT SOME MACHINE! WH-WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I-I AM A HUMAN! I'M HUMAN I SWEAR! I-I FEEL THINGS NOW! I CAN FEEL EMOTIONS AGAIN! I'M NOT A WIND-UP DOLL, PLEASE DON'T BE AFRAID OF ME! WHY IS EVERYONE AFRAID OF ME? I KN-KNOW I SEEM BAD B-BUT I-IT WAS JUST ORDERS..."
I held my chest, nearly falling, and I couldn't stop yelling. It hurt, why did it hurt?
"LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME WITHOUT FEAR OR DISGUST! WHY DO YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT? STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!"
I cried out, and I couldn't even look up. I felt something hot and wet coming from my eyes.
"Wh-what is this? Why is it coming f-from my eyes?" I stammered, my brain too much of a mess to speak clearly. I shakily stood up. It was a mistake to even try being here. I ran, harder than I had when escaping. I didn't want to stop. I couldn't see anything right, but I wouldn't stop running. The same words echoed throughout my head
" You're just some wind-up doll" but it was said in Valia's voice...and Tara's...and Eric's. I held my head, and let out a scream filled with every last emotion I thought I had forgotten...

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