My Nerf Neighbour

🔫21🔫

Jake's POV

These past three days have been the most heart attacking days of my life.
First, there was my obvious problem of being sleep deprived, because guess who can't shut their damn eyes and fall fucking asleep?!

That's right, me.

Secondly, I've been avoiding Heeseung quite a bit, and it's been super hard. The chances of bumping into him on a normal day is like, 99.9% since we're in the same year.

Now how high do you think the chances are when there's no class, it's exam season, and he's a freaking popular jock with a genius brain that stole me heart??

And he's been hanging out with his friends-not the ones I know, but like those on the basketball team and some other clubs-so I've been pretty observant these few days.

I couldn't help it. I wanted him forgotten, out of my life...but no matter how hard I tried, I kept staring, falling, and I gave up trying to stop it. All I could do now was admire from afar while my crush that I rejected-playfully, flirted with his friends.

Ugh. Just ugh.

Lastly...why the fuck do I feel so single?

I'm in the library with Jungwon and Sunoo, plus their boyfriends, and I cannot get ONE second without either couple being flirty or noisy as they whisper in such high pitch voices it's almost disgusting I can hear what they're saying.

It's cringey, but where the hell was my chance to do that?

Oh right, down the drain ever since I ran away from the love of my life.

I groaned loudly, interrupting the two couples beside me. Banging my head on the table and startling my friends as they jumped in their seats.

"Jake? You good?" Jay asked, his voice a bit muffled since my ears were covered by my arms.

I lifted my head and deadpanned into his eyes. He held his palms out in surrender and I proceeded to sigh even more in my arms.

Just then, I felt an arm around my shoulder and I looked up to see Sunoo smiling sadly at me. "It's ok if you miss him, hyung."

I sat up and leaned in my chair. "I know...but it's just so weird like, we don't even greet each other anymore! And what makes it worse, he's my neighbour! I see him everyday," I emphasised, and Jungwon sighed.

"What's bothering you though? You missing him or something else?" He asked, and I hung my head, not wanting to answer truthfully.

To be frank, half of the reason was that I did miss him. Miss his jokes, smile, laugh...
But the other half of me just couldn't shake off the guilty feeling that I haven't told him the truth.

"I mean it's just...I want to tell him what's the real reason. Not just leave him hanging-but I can't bring myself to. What if he gets mad for keeping this away from him? Or like-I don't know, doesn't trust me?" I blurted out, my chin tucked in my neck as the others heard me ramble.

"Jake hyung," Niki started, "the more you hide it, the more he won't trust you! Right now, you two are holding back both your feelings-you should let it go before you leave, if the circumstances are you might never see him again."

We all stared at the maknae.

He blinked and glanced around. "What?"

"Oh...wow, damn, thanks Niki," I laughed, Jungwon raised a mischievous eyebrow when he saw the hearts in Sunoo's eyes.

"I knew I dated the right person~," the blonde sighed dreamily, snuggling his head in Niki's arm.

The taller blushed and kissed Sunoo's forehead. We all 'awed' at that.

Then, I excused myself to go to the bathroom, wanting to wash away all this negativity and thinking about Niki's advise. He wasn't wrong..I can just tell Heeseung and everything will be off my chest.

I was so busy pondering and not focused, that I didn't notice a figure exiting the toilet, and that caused me to bump straight right into their chest.

It felt familiar. Strong, sturdy. Warm and cozy as well.

My suspicions were confirmed when I lifted my gaze to apologise, but my voice became choked up instead.

Wide, doe eyes stared down at me as I blinked in shocked back at them. "Heeseung..."

Heeseung gaze didn't leave mine as he greeted back. "Jake."

Damn, that was awkward. "Uh, sorry-I wasn't looking," I mumbled, looking away first.

"It's fine."

I bit my lip, trying to find a response. A joke maybe? No, not the right time.
Suddenly, I felt his hand touch my shoulder and I snapped my neck up, only to see him lean in closer.

"W-what ar-are you doing?" I whispered.

He didn't respond except moved closer.

Then, "you're in the way, Jake."

I blinked, looked down at where he foot was trying to get around mine, and how his hand was pushing my arm now so he could pass.

I instantly blushed red in embarrassment. "O-oh my god! I'm so sorry!" I quickly stepped aside and Heeseung managed to step out.

Before he left, he gave me one last glance. Those eyes begged me to say something, anything that could fix us.
Heeseung opened his mouth, but closed it again in hesitation and turned away to walk off.

"Wait!"

He snapped his head to face me, and my heart pounded. Why did I just say that? Oh god, what was I supposed to say!

Tell him!

I shook my head, met Heeseung'a curious and hopeful eyes. I bit my lip, trying to get it out of me.

"I-I..Actually..."

He tilted his head, turning around fully.

"Um...I actually...it's just-"

I lifted my head. His light brown eyes bored into mine, pulling the temptation to spit out the truth.

Come on, Jake. You can do this, everything will be fine. He won't judge you, you'll be trusted more, he won't leave you...

I sighed, clenching my hands into fists while I said instead, "Stay safe. You...you won't see me for a while."

I can't.

Heeseung frowned and cocked his head. Before he could ask anything or reach out, I turned and slippe into the toilet.

Slumping against the door, I tried calming down my heavy breathing and thumping heart. That was so hard..
I did tell him right? I did, yes, technically.

Now it's up to whether he'll find out or not.

I closed my eyes and took in slow breaths. It's ok. It's going to be ok.

I walked to the mirror, slowly studying my appearance. Eye bags, droopy hair, probably the same clothes I wore yesterday?
I didn't look good, I knew it. But I didn't care about that right now.

All I saw in that mirror was a liar, heartbreaker, and most importantly, a distrustful person.

My exes must have rubbed it on me huh?

I splashed my face with the cool sink water before the hot, prickly tears could stream down my face.
I'm not them, they're not me. Heeseung just deserves someone better.

It was time to really let go.
___________
a/n: update! yea sorry for the sad sad sad stuff...wonder whats gg to happen next?? 😚🥹