[Blue Archive] Abydos' Suicidal Hopeful

(Side Story) Arius' Suicide Seeker (2) EP.43

"Cough... cough...!"



"...Damn, I couldn't die again today."



After provoking Beatrice... no, the eye-monster, and challenging her to a fight, I was thrown out in a battered state in less than 10 minutes.



"...Honestly, I thought her patience would run out soon..."



I thought provoking her every time would eventually elicit a different reaction,



But for some reason, that woman just laughs as if she's enjoying herself, only making me near death but never actually killing me.



"Haah... I guess it won't work like last time..."



When I first provoked her,



"....How dare you be my test subject..."



Beatrice, completely enraged, pushed me to the brink of death.



It's understandable in a way.



The Beatrice I know wouldn't tolerate this and would just kill me.



'...Ah, I can go home...'



So I was happy to accept death.



It's a shame I couldn't get one over on Beatrice before dying, but now I can finally go home.



...But maybe I was too happy...



"...Ha, you provoked me on purpose?"



Seeing me smile, Beatrice realized my intention and saved me just before I died.



"I was planning to keep you alive in a half-dead state since you still have some use... But to think you were longing for death."



Then she laughed at me for not being able to die and chased me away.



Just thinking about that memory drives me crazy.



But I wasn't about to give up,



Even if she didn't want to kill me, given her personality, if I kept pushing her, I figured she'd eventually get pissed and kill me without thinking. So I kept provoking her from that day on, and



"Then I'll make you a proposal."



Before long, I received a proposal.



The condition was to visit her room once a day, without weapons, and only when there were no visible wounds on my body.



In return, she would provide me with enough bandages every day and give me special treatment by allowing me to be late for morning training.



...Honestly, I don't really know why she made such a proposal.



Maybe she just wanted to see me despair because I couldn't die,



Or maybe she was using as a way to vent her anger because I was as strong as a sandbag,



Or maybe it had something to do with the black suit that comes every week.



But it wasn't a bad proposal, so even though I felt uneasy, I accepted it.



If I backed down in this situation, Beatrice would surely win,



And I thought it might help the squad that had helped me in various ways.



They were happy when I brought back a lot of bandages, you know.



...Well, they got really angry after finding out where the bandages came from...



But thanks to that, I gained a little trust from the squad, so I decided to look on the bright side.



"...Then I'll go back now..."



I gathered the numerous bandages scattered around me and headed back to where the squad was.







*





"Sora."



Right after I returned from Beatrice,



Saori, the leader of the squad, looked at me seriously and said,



"Refrain yourself for a while."



"You know, right? The thing we're starting soon."



"...Yeah."



I know. I know very well.



I've heard it countless times, both in the story in my past life and through pain here.



"You're talking about the Eden Treaty, right?"



"You don't have to tell me, I'll be careful for a while. Don't worry."



"...Good, as long as you know."



Satisfied with my answer, Saori left.



"...Haa..."



'...It's a shame...'



I know I shouldn't, but I couldn't hide my disappointment.



"...I feel like I could get a handle on it if I kept at it..."



'On how to get one over on Beatrice.'



I wasn't just getting beaten up every time.



Through our repeated fights, I was constantly trying to read her attack patterns and find a way to counterattack.



So this was the time I needed to keep fighting, but



"In the end, it's come to this."



I know from reading the original story.



This Eden Treaty means the end of the squad...



The end of Madam.



So it won't be possible to commit suicide as Madam after today.



'...It's a shame, but.'



It doesn't matter.



The end of Madam means a new beginning for the squad,



And the thing I wanted so much but couldn't get,



Halo bomb



I can get it.







*





"It's been a while since I've done this."



I muttered, picking up a dull cutter knife.



Provoking Madam had become a part of my daily life,



But I couldn't fight her every day.



When my body wasn't in good condition, I couldn't even visit,



And if Madam didn't want to, it was over.



But maybe because I did it every day...



If I missed even one day, I would go crazy,



-Slice!



So as an alternative, I resorted to self-harm.



Well, that's how it is.



"...But the blade isn't as sharp as I thought..."



Maybe it's because I've been using it for too long, but it's not very sharp.



"This body is too tough to cut easily anyway..."



"This is practically useless..."



'If I looked around, I might find a sharp object or two...'



But I didn't have time,



And this was something I was doing in secret, so I couldn't do anything too conspicuous.



"For now, I'll just keep going like this..."



If I keep at it, won't the skin eventually break?



With that thought, I continued to attempt self-harm.



And,



-Creak



"...Huh?"



Soon, I heard the door open.



"N-no way...?"



'Is it the leader?'



Usually, the only person who came here was the leader,



So as soon as the door opened, I instinctively moved my hand behind my back and tried to make an excuse.



"A-ah no, leader, I'm not doing any..."



"...What are you doing?"



But my excuse was in vain.



The one who opened the door and entered wasn't the leader,



But Misaki, one of the squad members.



"...Oh, it's Misaki..."



"...What's with that reaction..."



Misaki glared at me with a displeased expression.



"Well, I thought it was the leader."



I showed her the cutter knife and said,



"You know, right? What the leader's reaction would be if she saw this."



I didn't really want to see Saori angry.



'...It's quite annoying...'



"...You think I won't be angry?"



"...Huh? Well..."



Wouldn't she? In a way, we're comrades.



Well, even if she's angry, it doesn't matter.



Surprisingly, I have a good impression of Misaki.



'...That's right.'



"The body is just a meaningless vessel that will return to dust."



The reason I could make up my mind to commit suicide



Was because of Misaki.