[Blue Archive] Abydos' Suicidal Hopeful

Memory of That Day (3) EP.54

"...Ugh...? What...? What time is it?"

I don't feel refreshed, but I'm wide awake. I thought a lot of time had passed, but

"...I only slept for three hours?"

I had only been asleep for three hours.

"...Is it time for everyone to go home...?"

That means Hoshino will be home soon...

"Hmm... What should I do?"

If Hoshino sees me like this, she'll tie me to the bed again.

I could sleep if she told me to, but... I'm wide awake, so I don't want to sleep.

Besides, I feel strange. It's like I don't want to stay still...

Then the action I should take is

"Alright, let's go out."

Outside the house.

*

"...It's nice to be out... but what should I do now?"

It was nice to get out of the house, but I don't know what to do now.

I haven't done anything other than try to kill myself, so I don't have any hobbies, and I don't know what I can do here.

"...Should I just finish erasing the self-harm marks?"

Originally, I was going to rest well today and work hard again, but I'm already awake and I have nothing to do.

And,

"Yeah... I can do it."

If I do it, I can erase the self-harm marks in an instant, and I feel like I can do what I was normally too scared to do. It feels like infinite courage is welling up inside me.

"Alright, let's finish it today."

Since I've made up my mind, I might as well finish it today.

I went straight to a nearby convenience store, bought a kitchen knife, and headed towards Abydos.

"Is that... Sora-chan?"

Without noticing the two pairs of eyes looking at me from afar.

*

Everyone has had that experience.

The experience of suddenly not being afraid and having the courage to do something you were normally too scared to do.

That's how I am now.

In the usual after-school sports equipment room,

I stood in front of a large container with a kitchen knife in one hand instead of a box cutter.

Until today, I had only tried to self-harm my arm with a box cutter. Even though a box cutter has limitations in piercing this tough body.

Why? Because I was scared.

I've only been here for a month.

Even though I've decided to kill myself, self-harm was still a painful and scary act.

That's why I insisted on using a box cutter. It was difficult to make deep wounds with a box cutter. If I was scared, I could stop easily.

...But with the courage I have now, I think I can do it. I think I can stab this kitchen knife into my arm with all my might.

So, I held the purchased kitchen knife in reverse and aimed the blade at my wrist.

If it goes in deep, that's good, and even if it doesn't, it doesn't matter as long as it goes in to some extent.

My goal is to insert the knife into the wound and tear off the skin with the self-harm marks.

'If I succeed, there will be a lot of blood, right?'

Maybe I can die from excessive bleeding?

Even if I fail to die, it doesn't matter. My goal is to erase the traces of self-harm.

"Whew... Alright."

Maybe it's because I was lost in thought. Before long, I was able to brace myself,

"Huuup!"

-Stab!

and I was able to stab the knife in time with the moment my trembling stopped.

"Ugh..."

But as expected, my body wasn't easy to pierce, and the knife only went in a little at the tip of the blade.

"...It can't be helped."

I wanted to finish it in one go, but it seems I have to endure some pain.

-Swish!

"Ugh...!"

I braced myself again and pushed the kitchen knife stuck in my wrist little by little.

"...J-just a little more..."

I don't need it to reach the bone. It just needs to go deeper than the self-harm marks.

That way, I can tear it off along with the self-harm marks.

-Swishh!

'Alright, now...!!'

And when I finally felt the blade go in far enough, I put more force on the kitchen knife one last time...

""Don't do it!!!!""

But I couldn't.

Because of the two students who rushed at me with a loud scream.

"Agh! W-what?"

I fell backward from the two people's attack and could only panic.

"N-Nonomi? Shiroko? How did you get here...?"

The two people who should have been home by now were on top of me.

But before my questions could be answered, the two moved first.

"Ugh! B-blood...!! S-Shiroko-chan! I'll apply pressure while you call the hospital!"

"O-okay!"

Nonomi pulled the kitchen knife out of my wrist and started applying pressure to my hand, and Shiroko ran outside to call the hospital as Nonomi said.

"Sora-chan! D-don't die...! Please!"

"...Ah."

And when the situation got to this point, I understood.

'I'm screwed.'

I'm really screwed this time.