My Favourite Unfinished

Chapter 18

December 15, 2019.

Like I promised her, the first thing I did when I woke up in the morning was to call her.

My hair was disheveled, my mind was even more disheveled.

Beep. Beep. Beep.
Hey! You have reached Aadhvita! Leave a voice message after the beep!

It's off? Don't fuck with me...

I dialed her number again as I got up from the bed not even bothering to wash my face.

I dialled it again.
And again.
3 times. 5 times. 10 times. 20 times.

I kept dialling her number all the way I went to her place.
For the first time ever, the walk was longer than I knew it to be.

The walk turned into a stride and the stride turned into a jog.

Hey! You have reached Aadhvita! Leave a voice message after the beep!

Arghh! Fuck! The same line again and again!

I was panting by the time I reached her place, but... What's that board doing here?

'FOR RENT'

I didn't stop dialling her number, it was saying that same thing again and again.

I turned the door knob, harder. Again, more harder.
It wasn't even budging.

There were no windows to look inside and the door was locked.

I kicked the door frustratedly.
Once, twice, thrice, quarce...

I wasn't ready to accept what was happening even though I knew what was happening.

I perfectly knew what was happening around me, that... That she was gone. That I won't be able to see her again.

I walked back home, calling her number continuously, hoping that in between those, 'Hey you have reached Aadhvita...' lines I would hear a single 'hello?' her voice coming through the other end.

I was in denial, continuous denial.

I walked back home, silent.

"Ami... Wanna.. eat...", my mom's words trailed off as I locked myself in my room.

"Later mom...", I managed to call out from my room.

I bathed and sat to study, acting normal because everything was normal, right?

It wasn't... I knew it wasn't.

Is someone knocking? Everything is so static and everything was muffled...
Mom...?

"Ami...?", there was knocking and somehow I wasn't able to hear it properly.

My heart was beating too fast, not the good kind.
My breathing was heavy, quick, shallow.
The room's temperature suddenly increased and I started sweating profusely.

I put my hand to my chest.
Everything is fine. Calm down, Amiya...

"Ami... God..", my mom held my face to her chest.

Was she there...? When did she come?

"C'mon... Ami... Breathe", my mom was panicking and I could feel it in her heart.

I closed my eyes.

"Breathe with me okay? In and out... C'mon. In and out"

I tried to match my breathing with hers, in and out.
In and out.
Repeat, in and out.
In and out...

"That's it...", mom said softly as she gently rubbed my back.

My hands were wrapped around my mom, and she was holding me tightly against her chest.

After a while I spoke, "Was I... Looking that bad?"

"Your head was hanging low and you weren't breathing... You got me scared, Ami"

"I am sorry"

"Why are you apologising? Please... Just be okay, I don't want anything else rather than that"

"I.. I am okay"

"You are not..."

"Aadh- Aadhvita left..."

She pulled away to look at my face, "Left...?"

I nodded, "Back home I guess... India"

Her face instantly softened, "Oh, Ami...", she pulled me back into her chest.

Yes, I did say it out loud but why wasn't I crying?
I didn't know too.

All I knew was I needed my mom's warmth.
And she held me, and I sought her warmth.

I didn't reply to Kai's messages, maybe she got worried that's why she kept spamming messages and calls.

I felt bad not replying or calling her back but I didn't want to talk to anyone.
I sent a single message to all her Aadhvita related messages, 'I just need some space, I promise I will contact you'

And I was offline during the break.
I was in my own space, in my room, surrounded by books, my laptop and my family.

I take my words back, he really shouldn't have come here.

I didn't wanna worry mom or dad, that's why I acted like I was okay.
But deep down, I just wanted to talk to her one last time, listen to her voice one last time, may it just be for a goodbye.