My Favourite Unfinished

Chapter 19

January 15, 2020.
(Kai's POV)

I still remember that day vividly.
I was running through the hallway, searching for my class because I was new in that school.

That's when I bumped into her, "I- I am so sorry! I am so clumsy"

She chuckled, "It's fine I am clumsy too"

She smelled faintly of Jasmine and that's when jasmine became my favourite scent.
Turned out we were in the same class.

Well back to today now...
The only message I got from Amiya on my birthday was, 'Happy birthday Kai and a happy new year! Sorry I couldn't really come...'
And then I stared at that, 'I just need some space, I promise I will contact you' message.

Just how much space did she need anyway?

Yes, they were expecting it but I was pretty sure they weren't expecting it to be this short-lived.

Even I wasn't expecting it to be this short-lived.
I wanted to talk to her, comfort her, hold her and tell her everything is gonna be okay.

I was giving her space just like she needed but wasn't she getting the fact that I was equally hurt?

Aadhvita was my friend too and she left, I was feeling as much bad as she was.

I was feeling a mix of frustration and irritation both at myself and her. I mean... If you have been friends for more than 6 years, you should at least be with each other in these times.

I knew I was being immature but still I wanted to see her because I couldn't hold back anymore.

That's why I pulled on a jacket and walked over to her place.

Soon, I was knocking on the door waiting for someone to open it.

Good thing she was the one who opened it.
She smiled, "Kai... Hey"

I had a neutral expression on my face and I looked behind her, "Uncle and aunty?"

"They are out", she said stepping aside, letting me in.

"What's with you?", I asked bluntly, in an edgy tone because I was genuinely frustrated.

"Nothing is with me, I am fine"

"Ami... Please huh. I know you"

"You don't", she said firmly.

Oh yeah?

"Then tell me for fuck's sake! Tell me something I don't know about you", my voice rose.

I had no intention of arguing that time, it's just that... My pent up emotions were brimming out.

"If you came here to argue then please get out", she rose her voice too.

"Get out? Did you just say get out?"

"Are you deaf? Didn't you hear the first time?"

"Seriously Ami, I came here to help and the way you are talking is just pissing me off"

"You are talking like I started it, Kai!"

"Well you did! Its—"

What. The. Fuck. Are. You. Doing. Kai?

My breathing got heavy, "You are the one who dated her! You started it! You started liking her!"

"How is that even related to this topic—"

I cut her off, "It is! Because you look miserable, Ami!"

I continued, not even wanting to breathe, "It's okay to cry okay? You can cry a river but you need to build a bridge and get over it. That's how life is and will be in the future!"

I paused gauging her reaction, when she didn't say anything I continued and I wasn't in my right mind at all, "How long have you known her huh? Just A year. How long have you dated her? Maybe just for 11 months probably? Not even a year so stop it Ami! Just stop it! Just try to move—"

She yelled, cutting me off, "What the fuck do you mean by 'just'? Huh? So you are saying I was in a fucking limerence the whole time? What are you even implying, kai?", she walked towards me.

"What I am implying is, that you should try to move on!"

"Am I not doing that!? I told you I needed space! space for myself!"

"You are pushing me away!", I yelled, panting.

"I am not! I am not pushing anyone away!"

"You are! You... You didn't even come to my birthday...", my voice was cracking.

"I told you the reason, Kai..."

"I am as much hurt as you are, Ami! She is my friend too! She left! She freaking left... Did you not even realise the position I would be in?"

Her face went into 'realisation' mode and I continued, "I had no one to talk about it! You straight up ignored my messages... I understood that you needed space but... Did you even think about me?"

I was being selfish, I knew.

"I—"

Tears were already streaming down my cheeks, "You.. you are pushing me away..."

"I am not... I am... Please don't—"

"I didn't even hear the news from you! I heard it from aunty... I went to her place, and saw that board and I was heartbroken, did you know that?"

"Kai—"

I wasn't even letting her talk, my emotions took over me, "No you didn't... Why would you? What am I to you anyway?"

I grabbed the collar of her t-shirt and pinned her down on the couch, "You... You are so dense and dumb and stupid and an idiot..."

I was sobbing at that point, "Ami, you... Dense brat... Did you ever see me? Did you ever acknowledge the way I always look at you?"

"What.. what do you mean..?"

"She caught your attention in just a few months... How wasn't I able to when I was beside you for years...?"

My grip on her collar tightened, "Why!? Wasn't I... Wasn't I good enough for you?"

"Kai—"

"God... I know how many times I just... I just couldn't get the courage to ask you out, I was.. so scared that I would ruin our friendship"

Her heart was beating fast against my hand, I could feel it.

"So don't you dare! Don't you dare ruin it for her!"

I knew my words were like a stagger.
My tears were falling on her face because I was on top of her.

"Are you still not figuring out!? Should I spell it out for you?"

Silence.

"I love you! I fucking love you, Ami. Have been loving you since we got close!"

"Y-You are into girls too...?"

Seriously? That's what she is worried about?

I shook my head, "I am not into girls. I am into you. And only you."

I let go of her collar and walked out, slamming the door shut behind me.

That's when I realised...
No no no... What the hell did I do!? I came here to comfort her..  but instead I just put more pressure on her!

I wiped my tears, quickly turned around and walked in again.

All I knew was, I loved her so much.
So much that, if she was an ocean, I would drown in her, even if that meant dying.