He's Not Yours, I Am | Sope

059: Out Of Courtesy

I'm updating Just Mickey (Sope), so that when this book is done, you can go check it out.

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Hoseok

Yoongi
Good morning, Hobi

Hoseok
Okay. Stop. I'm through. We're through

Yoongi
Aren't you exhausted from yesterday?

Hoseok
And how did you know

Yoongi
I have eyes, Hobi. I'd know

Yoongi
You were practicing in the dance room non-stop. Planning on auditioning for the School Fest, aren't we?

Yoongi
So that's the reason why you go home late. I can finally breathe for that reason

Hoseok
Let's cut to the chase. What do you want?

Yoongi
Dropping you off. You can't walk your way to your house

Hoseok
Cut the bull, shall we? I don't want this anymore. What do you actually want from me? Wasn't everything else enough for you?

Yoongi
You know what I know

Hoseok
Say it

Yoongi
I just wanna spend time with you

Hoseok
Why the fuck do you want to? That's nonsensical

Hoseok
I hurt Jimin

Hoseok
I hurt everyone around

Hoseok
I'm probably the reason why Jungkook is hurting right now. If he didn't try to redeem me when everyone else was ganging up on me, Taehyung wouldn't have acted that way. Their fight would've never happened.

Yoongi
It had to happen Hobi, you know it had to.

Hoseok
Everything is confusing and everyone is disarrayed. And it's all because of me

Hoseok
So why the fuck? Do you still? Fucking try?

Hoseok
I don't want this anymore. I never even wanted this in the first place

Hoseok
I can't keep hurting. It makes me tired. I'm all tired. I've done everything I could, but I think nothing is ever working. I don't know anymore. I'm tired. I'm fucking beat. I lost. I admit defeat. Just leave me alone.

Hoseok
Please don't try to ever contact me again

Yoongi
Hey. I'm sorry

Hoseok
What are you even sorry about now?

Hoseok
You can't just say that out of courtesy. It takes away its meaning, if it had one.

Yoongi
I'm so fucking sorry. I just

Yoongi
I've been selfish with you. I admit to that. I never ever considered your feelings and only focused on mine

Yoongi
You're hurting. I should've known. Yet all I did was add up to your pain. That's such a dick move from me. I don't know what has come over me as of late. It's just that

Yoongi
I don't even wanna say it...

Yoongi
But I guess you deserve to know

Yoongi
Why I'm acting like this

Hoseok
Spit

Yoongi
I swallow

Hoseok
What?

Yoongi
Anyway.

Yoongi
You deserve to know that I...

Yoongi
I get scared

Yoongi
I have this feeling of utter dread within me every time these recurring thoughts resurface in my noggin

Hoseok
What thoughts?

Yoongi
Thoughts of losing you

Yoongi
I can't stand this feeling. I've been fighting over it for God knows when. But I can never win. I'm really terrified

Yoongi
Terrified of losing you

Yoongi
Terrified of not being able to see you again

Yoongi
I don't know why

Yoongi
This might be some attachment issues that I have yet to resolve

Yoongi
But I'm not willing to.

Yoongi
I really don't want to lose you

Yoongi
There's just nothing that I can do about it nor do I want to fix this feeling

Yoongi
Please don't leave me, Hobi...

Yoongi
I know. This is all the selfishness talking, yet I still can't let it go. I can't be rational enough to tell you that it's okay on my part, because it's not. I don't think it is. It would really break me inside, twisting all the guts and flesh in me. And even though I usually take all the pain, this time I can't. This circumstance, I can't. Not a don't, but a can't.

Hoseok
This is unbelievable

Hoseok
Because of me, this version of you has been created. Always because of me...

Hoseok
I want to just fade away

Yoongi
No. This is not because of you. I guess this feeling has always been there, it's just this time that it got unleashed from within me

Hoseok
I apologise

Hoseok
But I really can't keep doing this

Hoseok
I can't keep it up anymore. I can't keep hurting anymore or else I'm gonna break, burst, or worse, burn away

Hoseok
If you can be selfish, then I also can be. It's not a don't, it's a can. So I'm sorry. But I'm letting you go now, whether you permit or not. Please don't try anymore. The only solution I see is to part ways and never stumble upon each other in any way. Thank you.

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Spaghettis during holidays are the best

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