Dancing with the Devil

Chapter 38

We're back at it again. I just got back in Manila but look where I ended up? In a bar, dancing, and drinking to my heart's content. My friends said this is to commemorate my just got back era in the city. I don't know, they're crazy but I love them for that.

They're not free most of the time, even if I was too tired to do things I still agreed with their whines and decided to party with them.

And as for Akio? I already figured it out... I was too in denial to accept it but hey, I did serve him myself that night and that is embarrassing.

I ended up hiding again from him, it felt like we were back from my college days wherein I would always hide from him, and he would seek me. It was awkward but hell, I don't have the guts to tell him I knew what happened that night... knowing that he is damn cornering me and waiting for me to accept my defeat and name this unknown feeling of mine.

I can't, my pride is just too high, and the walls I built are hard to crack open.

Nang mapagod kakasayaw ay bumalik na rin ako sa sariling lamesa. No one was there when I came back, hindi na ako nag-aalala pa sa dalawa dahil malaki na sila. They sure can take care of themselves, and their bodyguards are just probably around the corner watching and waiting for the right time to catch and lock them up into their places.

I rested my back on the couch and let my body fall in the madness I am feeling. Days have passed but I am still torn in between. I am awfully scared and anxious, hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin. The domino effect of my decision will follow as soon as I act.

Kahit na nalulunod na sa epekto ng alak ay siya pa rin ang nasa isip. Damn it! Why am I so afraid... Why do I need to think of everything and make sure it's a safe one?

At kung hindi naman ako mamimili at gagalaw ay walang mangyayari. Will I regret it if I'll choose to just let it go? I will, surely.

This is easy, all I need to do is to just embrace it and probably a fucking drunk me.

I drank everything that I saw on our table. I look like a broken hearted girl that needs a lot of drink to tend her broken heart. Inubos ko ang dalawang oras sa pag-inom, and when everything was muffled and blurry.

I knew that's it, I found the courage within me.

Naghihingalo sa kalasingan kong kinuha ang cellphone sa bag. Pinindot ko ang number 1 sa speed dial at nilagay sa tainga. Hindi ko sigurado kung maririnig niya ako sa lagay ko ang mahalaga ay matawagan ko siya, ngayon na mismo.

I feel agitated waiting for his call, with its every ring I feel more nervous and my nerves in the insides palpitate with it. Ginulo ko ang sariling buhok sa sobrang irita at kung ano-ano na ang nararamdaman ko habang tumatagal na hindi niya sinasagot ang tawag.

When I heard the familiar tune, I ended the call and dialed his number again. I did that a lot of times and still no one answered my call.

This asshole! Just when I had the courage to confess my feelings, he had the nerve to not answer my calls?

Tangina, hindi na. Wala nang aamin sa pamilyang 'to!

I threw my phone away in annoyance and embarrassment. What the heck? Did I just plan to confess through phone, and was never even reciprocated?! I'm so ashamed, who confessed through the phone.

Oh good lord! This is so childish, and nonsense.

And just when I was able to pick myself up, I saw him with a woman not far from my table. Probably the reason why he wasn't able to answer my calls turns out he is occupied with some woman that... that's not me.