Dancing with the Devil

Chapter 40

I've never been happy in the past even with all the years that passed, being caught up with my own feelings and with the truth that's waiting for it to unravel on its own. After finally letting myself fall, and accept that I did fall in love with him. I hinder myself for so long from being truly happy because of the immense guilt and fear of being hurt by the one you love.

I now can say... I'm happy, really.

Ang sayang maging masaya. Yung hayaan ang sarili na tunay na maging masaya at hindi na hayaan ang takot sa puso ang manaig, laging iniisip na sa likod ng mga ngiti at tawa ay kalakip ang natatagong delubyo na naghihintay lamang. I didn't think that it was like this... and if only I knew, would it be different?

Would things be different, and we'll take a risk?

Maybe it will, but it was the situation itself that doesn't permit us to be. We couldn't take the chance that was served in front of us, it simply wasn't the right time. May mga bagay na pumipigil sa amin noon na sana ngayon ay wala na. Ito na nga ba?

Now that nothing's going in our way, we're finally on the right track to happiness. But it seems like Akio wants to end our relationship with all his actions these past few days. Alam ko namang hindi niya sinasadya, pero hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng inis at tampo.

He already stood me up thrice this month, I know. It's immature, the reason was his work and it's valid. I understand it, really. Pero, he promised me! He cancelled a lot of times. Nakahanda na ako, I took all my time to doll up myself, expecting for me to see him on our given time.

Pero wala, he would straight up cancel our plan because of an emergency. Buti nga ay nagsosorry siya kung hindi ay talagang malilintikan siya sa akin.

And here I am now in my lingerie because he called me and told me that he had an important night gala he needed to go to because his father needed him.

Paepal na hapon.

Kung kailangan naman pala niya si Akio, why not tell him earlier? Kaya ko namang mag-adjust para sa kanya. Sino ba naman ako diba? He's the father meanwhile I'm the girlfriend, weighing both of us he matters more. Not that I don't matter, it's just that... I know where to stand especially since the gala is a family matter.

Naiinis ako, pero mas lamang ang pag-intindi sa kanya. If I wanted to be with him in the long run. I should know how to deal with this. Kailangang alam ko na may mga kanya-kanyang bagay kaming ginagawa, at kailangan naming suportahan ang isa't-isa.

That's why instead of nagging at him, and messaging him things, telling him how annoyed I am. I choose to sulk here in my place.

Ibinagsak ko ang sarili sa hanging chair ko sa veranda. I watch the smoke of the lit up cigarette in my hand dissipate in the air, hiding themselves in my eyes. Nang umugong ang malakas na hangin, marahan ngunit lamig ang dala sa aking katawan. I shivered at the chilly temperature, caressing my arms, sending warmth into my body that slowly calmed my nerves.

Nang marinig na bukas ng pinto ay nanatili ang aking tingin sa malayo, sa aking harap ay ang mga naglalakihang kalapit na gusali. Hindi ko masasabing tahimik na ang lahat, from afar I could still hear the faint sound of the engines of the cars.

But it looks serene, nababawasan ang na nararamdamang stress sa lalaking kakarating lang.

Gumalaw ang kinauupuan ko ng naupo siya sa aking tabi, isinisiksik ang sarili sa maliit na espasyong natira. Mabilis na sinakop ng panlalaki niyang pabango ang paligid ko. It felt like the burning smell of my cigarette was masked up by his attractive scent. I threw a glance on him, rolling my eyes to let him know that I'm not happy with what he did today.