Dancing with the Devil

Chapter 42

"Why didn't you tell me?"

I asked with a faint voice, almost whispering, so afraid to ask him but the urge to know what happened and to comfort him was pushing me to the edge, putting me in here. In front of him in my weak state, and my little heart aching for him.

"Darling... what do you mean?" mabilis siyang tumayo sa pagkakaupo sa couch ng living room ko, he was panicking. "What the fuck happened?! Who made you cry, was it your asshole brother, or Articus.? Who, tell me now Maia, so I can punch it."

My bag made a sound when I dropped it on the floor, I immediately bawled in front of him hearing him say that and not knowing what to do. Everything just makes me emotional. I cannot bear the truth of what he had faced in the past without me being able to comfort him in silence or even with just my presence.

"It's you asshole!" I punched his chest wanting to get rid of the feeling. I'm hurt that I wanted to be there but with what happened it's not possible.

But he could at least tell me when we got back together, or everyone should have at least the decency to tell me about it so I wasn't kept in the dark. I even acted too harshly and pretty shitty at him when I first saw him again, at least I could be slightly good to him even if I was still mad at him.

Tuluyan akong nanghihina sa kaniyang harapan, I sat in front of him and he watch me cluelessly but worried at what's happening to me. Hindi ako nagtagal sa aking kinauupuan dahil marahan niya akong hinila pataas at inako patungo sa living room. He stood in front of me as I tried to wipe my tears away, he looked frustrated but patient.

"Come on, what did I do now?" he asked worriedly.

"Tell me, so I would know wha I need to set things right, my love. When you're just crying like this we won't be able to solve anything, so tell me, please. Hmm?"

"Eh sa naiiyak ako, why'd you didn't tell me– tingin mo ba I was so that weak ha?"

Nabiyak ang aking boses sa sakit, sa alalang kung gaano kaya kahirap ang hinarap niya. I know that this is futile because it was already that but like I've said he could've told me, bigyan naman niya ako ng pagkakataong samahan siya sa sakit na nararamdaman niya.

Grief does not heal nor be gone, even with the time that has passed. It only slept in the depths of our mind, especially in our hearts, and on special occasions it came knocking at our door, reminding us that our loved one has left us, and that they're really gone.

He sat beside me, sliding his arms behind me. Isinandal niya ang ulo ko sa kanyang balikat at huminga ng malalim.

He did not speak nor ask me but let me cry more until I was satisfied. Hindi ko na rin alam, ang gusto ko lang ay umiyak, it should be the other way around. It should be me comforting him but looks like our roles switched and here he is consoling me to whatever hell's I am crying about.

For a minute, I mourn the days I wasn't able to mourn with him, and to the death of his beloved mother.

Nang bumuti ang lagay at naging kalmado na. Umalis ako sa pagkakasandal sa kanya, I cleared my throat and looked him in the eyes. His eyes look dumbfounded which was amusing, if this is a different set up I might laugh at him but it wasn't that simple. This is nothing to be taken as easy because it was life and death we were talking about.

"Kalmado ka na ba? Are you fine now? Can you tell me now what it is?"

I didn't even hear any sense of urgency in his voice but rather it was calm and comforting, oh goodness. Why does it guy always make me feel like I was the bad guy all the time for worrying him out of nothing?

"Bakit di mo sinabi sa akin, hmm?"

When he didn't answer me, I continued. "Tita, why didn't you tell me about her?" The crack on my voice was still there, making it seem hard for me to speak. That's when I lost it again.