Dancing with the Devil

Chapter 30

He must’ve thought she was his…

I was stunned that night. I tried… sinubukan kong itinanggi na hindi sa kanya ang bata, dahil una anak iyon ng kuya ko, at  pangalawa ay pamangkin ko yun! Pero nabingi na ata siya at hindi ako pinakinggan, ipinipilit na bakit ko itinatangging hindi sa kanya ang bata, na handa niyang akuin ang responsibilidad, ibigay ko lang ang karapatang hinihingi niya.

His cold demeanour rapidly decreases, he turns weak. He wasn’t scared to show me how weak he can be. No matter how I wanted to assure that it wasn’t his and all that, I can’t just tell him something that I shouldn’t be talking about.

It was not my story to tell.

Para maiwasan siya at hindi maunahan ang kuya ko sa bagay na siya dapat ang magsabi ay nagmamadali akong umalis. I was already almost at my place when I realized that I left Taro, which was my initial plan when I went there. To pick him up so I have someone with me to ease my lone nights.

Hindi ko na alam, kailangan ko siyang iwasan. Iuutos ko nalang siguro kay Art si Taro, for sure he’ll do me a favor or else I won’t do him in return. If I need to use his weakness to take advantage of him, I would. 

And Akio, I can’t just let him believe that Malaya’s ours knowing that he is married. I already told him, anong magagawa ko kung ayaw niyang maniwala, gustuhin ko man ay parang sinira ko na rin ang tiwala ng nakakatandang kapatid sa akin kung papangunahan ko siya. Isa pa ay ayokong makasira ng pamilya. I don’t want to be titled as a home-wrecker. 

I left him with no explanation. 

The name says it all. And her look. She was a carbon copy of me. 

Malaya.

I was the one who named her. Kuya gave me the liberty to name her after me, I was so honored to do that. Growing up Kuya always called me Maya, like the bird who was free to soar in the sky, therefore the birth of Malaya. 

I remembered back when I was young I asked him out of curiosity why call me by that name. He shrugged it off and told me just because.

Nang pinangalanan ko ang kanyang anak ay dama ko ang tahimik niyang pagdiriwang. Siguro ay dahil mas maganda ang choice kaysa sa kanya na Berta ang gustong ipangalan sa anak niya.

Pero sa totoo lang ay napagtanto ko na… ito ay dahil sa kaniyang tingin ay para akong isang maya na may laya.

Hindi ko man aminin, but I highly look up to my brother. He was the hero who was always there for me. And when I saw his love for his own child, I couldn’t help but be more proud. He was scared but he embraced the change that took over his life. Maluwag niyang niyakap ang pagbabagong dumating sa buhay niya simula ng tumapak siya sa bahay bitbit ang wala pang musmos na anak. He love her with all his life and took care of her how he did to me. 

He was new to the fatherly world but he took the challenge to navigate into the universe of uncertainty of being a father, fearlessly.

I love Malaya just as much how I love my dear brother. Minahal ko ang bata na parang akin dahil anak siya ng kapatid ko, she was the sole reason why I see the growth in my brother for the past few years. He was still the same asshole I’ve known back when we were young, who loved teasing and annoying me but he developed into a responsible man who doesn’t turn his back on his responsibilities. 

And was proud and loud of being a single father to her daughter. 

I at least want Malaya to have a mother by her side with my presence, that’s why I was really into her. 

There’s another reason.

When I had a false pregnancy. I mourned over it. I lost a part of me when I learned that I didn’t have the baby and it was just my hormones playing tricks with me.