Dancing with the Devil

Chapter 48

The world doesn't stop revolving just because yours did.

Aside from change, death is another that is constant in this world. It is inevitable; the heavens above designed all living things in that way—each was curated with such uniqueness, only for us to meet the same fate.

We were brought up in this world to serve a lesson to others—to teach them grief, sorrow, and the fragility of life. Because we humans, we never truly grasp the essence of living until we face loss ourselves.

Taro taught me one thing: moving on isn't easy for those left behind. We never really get over the death of those who we love; we just simply learn to exist in their absence, telling ourselves to live and accept that they are in a better place now. But the truth is, their memory lingers, quietly whispering in the spaces they once filled.

Their lives served as a constant reminder for us to do better—to find ways to cope with the life left for us. We may not get over their death but eventually... we'll learn to find peace in our hearts and we will feel better.

A reset, Taro was like a button that restarted my life. It's been weeks since his passing, nothing much happened but I feel like a lot did. I decided to cremate him, in that way he's closer to me even in death.

Ipinatong ko ang urn na kinalalagyan ng abo ni Taro sa living room, paborito niya doon. I placed it on the top of dividers beside his picture. It was his last photo shoot we've done with the help of Sera, and I only received it days after his death.

Sobrang hirap ngunit kahit papaano, alam ko sa sarili na kailangan kong subukan. Hindi rin nagtagal ay bumalik ako sa trabaho, ayokong maiwan mag-isa sa tahimik na condo. Unang linggo ng pagkawala niya ay wala akong ginawa kung hindi ikulong ang sarili sa loob ng kwarto, tulala kung saan at inaalala ang mga huling naming sandali. The second week was excruciating, that was when I tried to distract myself with other things. I had the urge to investigate his accident. But I was too late. Akio had already done it.

I struggled to get through the following weeks. Most days, I accept that he's gone, but on some, I still find myself yearning for his presence. Last week, out of habit, I mistakenly refilled his empty bowl in the kitchen with water. The other day, after I ate dinner with Akio, I served his favorite steamed chicken and called for him—but no one came. Reminding me once again of reality.

It did me no good; it only relived the pain along with our bittersweet memories rushing through my veins.

Slowly, I tried kicking out the habit on my system. I began packing his things away, one by one. Napagdesisyunan kong i-donate na lang ang mga ito sa animal shelter, para mapakinabagan ng ibang aso na nangangailangan.

"Akio," I called, he hummed in return, I turned to him sitting in the living room.

"Ang dami pa ng dog food ni Taro dito, do you think mauubos niya 'to?"

The whole place fell so silent I could hear everything. What was I thinking? I scolded myself at the realization. Mabilis akong humingi ng pasensya at binitbit ang kalahating sako ng dog food. Nagtungo ako sa isang sulok, sa living room bitbit ang sako at ipinasok sa box.

I let out a sharp breath when it wouldn't fit inside. Inilabas ko itong muli at nagmamadaling inalis ang mga gamit at ibang laruan ni Taro na nasa loob ng kahon. I toss them aside, my eyes slowly welling with tears. Nanlalabo ang aking tingin at tumutulo ang luha sa aking mata.

A hand wrapped in mine, lifting the sack. My gaze went upwards and saw Akio's gentle eyes on me. His gaze was so gentle, it reached deep within me, and my sobs escaped, quivering.

"I'm sorry," I cried, slowly losing my strength. "I just missed him so much."

I sank to my knees before him, clutching his legs as sobs tore through me.For weeks, I tried to bottle up my emotions but in the end, my grieving heart won. Mabilis siyang yumukod at inalalayan ako, yumuko ako sa kanyang mga hita habang patuloy na lumuluha.