Imagining Us

Ch.72- To let Hope Abound

Esi glanced across to her phone which was propped up against some books on her bed.

"You finally ready to admit it?" Bri asked her.

Esi was trying to read an article that Gio sent to her. They didn't share any classes this semester, but they would send each other texts and emails sharing articles and information about their current classes or thesis ideas.

Her cousin decided to call her mid-scouring. Usually, she would've been faced with a double inquisition, but Afia was probably in dreamland at the moment. It was 8:27 in Connecticut which meant that it was the wee hours of the morning in England, but Bri was in the same time zone as her.

"Ready to admit what?" Esi asked distractedly, her eyes skimming the article again.

"That we were right," her cousin shot back.

"You have to be more specific, babe."

"About your man," Bri said.

Esi sighed and stretched out her legs.

"What are you on about?" she asked.

"Oh just the fact that you kept denying how you felt for him. Kept insisting that you were just friends," Bri mused.

Thinking about it, Esi wondered if she and Porte were ever just friends. The word was used, more to placate her than anything because he had read her keenly. Had seen her hesitations.

After years of carefully curating her emotions, how had he been able to see beyond?

Perhaps it was because he had done the same for far longer than her. It shouldn't have worked–it shouldn't currently work.

They shouldn't.

 Two people that were closed off in that way, but he made her want to open up. 

When Porte let little things about his past and how he felt slip out, she could see his surprise. Surprise at the fact that he was talking and that she was listening. Surprise at the fact that she wanted to hear. That she wanted to know him beyond what he had or what he could offer.

They shouldn't work, but they were. And the thought of them not continuing—the possibility of this goodness being taken away from her. The possibility of him realizing that she wasn't worth his attention scared her.

It was the fear of this vulnerability that had her insisting in the first place that they could only be friends, but even she had to admit that it felt good.

That they felt good. Together.

To have a partnership. A sound board. Maybe even a future.

Esi had let herself go as far as imagining it. She let herself hope, and it was a wonderful feeling.

"Look at you smiling.This is all Sabine wanted for you," her cousin said softly. "This was exactly what she was talking about, Es."

Her cousin's voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"We know how much you feel Esi. It's okay to not keep it all inside. It's also okay to be scared, but give yourself that grace to feel. To dream. To love," Bri sighed. "I know our family can be a little...insistent sometimes–"

They were pushy. All the time.

Esi snorted. Those were the words that she would've used.

"But we just want you to live. Above everything else just live, girl."

She let the poignancy of her cousin's words wash over her.

Esi was trying because it was something that she actually wanted now, more than she ever had before.

There was a sense of belonging that was breezing into her life, and it made her feel more settled than ever.

Esi cleared her throat. If she wasn't going to get any work done, they could at least talk about something other than her.

"Can we talk about something other than me, please? Tell me about work. When are you moving out? Anything."

Even as her cousin continued to talk, Esi's mind strayed to Porte, and the thought struck her that she was as bad as him.

She'd used the word friends flippantly as well because from the time that she'd laid eyes on Porte Danvers, her heart had wondered—had longed for more.

It was her head that had gotten in the way.

*

*

*

*

*

A/N

There's no such thing as a filler chapter. (Right?)

Enjoy this little tidbit!

Xx