Lost on the Road (COMPLETED)

Kabanata 30

Kabanata 30

Umalis na naman ako na galit siya sa akin. May parte sa akin na gusto ko pa siyang makasama at pawiin ang galit niya pero ayaw ko ng magkasala pa. Mali na nga iyong may nangyari sa amin, at maling mali rin kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko para sa kaniya.

Nangangapa pa rin ako hanggang ngayon. Do I really like him for reasons that go deeper than just surface-level attraction? Or am I just holding on to him the way I did before, simply because of the pleasure or satisfaction he brings me, without considering if there's more to it? I can't quite tell if my feelings are truly meaningful or if they're just tied to temporary desires.

Six months ago, Harris pursued me and did everything to get us back together. He proved to me that he was changing, so I didn't hesitate to take him back. Isa pa, nanghihinayang ako sa napagsamahan namin. Nga lang, sa ngayon ay walang ibang nakakaalam sa relasyon namin maging si Bethy.

Kaya naguguluhan ako sa nararamdaman ko para kay Lucas. Alam ko namang mahal ko talaga si Harris, pero gusto ko rin si Lucas. Sobrang naguguluhan na ako. May mga pagkakataon na sa tuwing magkasama kami ni Harris, naiisip ko pa rin siya. Lalo na ngayon na nagkita kami ulit at may nangyari.

Sinapo ko ang aking noo. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko. Hindi ako karapat dapat sa kung ano man ang nararamdaman ni Lucas para sa akin. Paano ko ba mapipigilang gustuhin siyang makasama at lumayo kung siya naman ang gumagawa ng paraan para magkrus ang landas namin? Kung magpapatuloy siyang lapitan ako, alam kong mahihirapan akong iwasan siya.

"I'm sorry I didn't message you right away. I-I was with a... friend," I said to Harris when we met at a restaurant.

Ngayon namin napag-usapan na i-celebrate ang anniversary namin kahit late na. Napagsabihan ako ni Mama kahapon nang kinaumagahan na ako nakauwi. Hindi naman na ganoon kalala dahil nasa tamang edad na ako. I'm not a kid anymore, but I still find myself slipping into those moments of guilt.

"Hindi mo sinabing nag-club ka pala? Nakita ko sa post ng kaibigan mo," kalmadong sabi niya. I could feel the weight of his words, but I had no excuse. It was a night I needed, but it was also a reminder of how careless I could be.

"Y-Yeah. I'm sorry," kinagat ko ang ibabang labi.

He nodded. "Ah, Laure. Sinama ko pala si Kitty sa date natin ngayon," tukoy niya sa anak. "She's in the restroom right now. Is that okay? Wala kasing magbabantay since nasa work ngayon si Karina, masama rin ang pakiramdam ng Lola niya ngayon."

Tumitig ako sa kaniya at tumango. I was trying to gather my composure. I've never really had to deal with kids in this kind of setting, especially when it's all so new. Harris' family dynamic was something I was still adjusting to.

"Okay lang," tipid akong ngumiti, trying to hide the anxiety building up inside me.

"Thanks," he said, holding my hand and giving it a soft squeeze. I wanted to feel comforted, but there was still this knot in my stomach that wouldn't go away.

Ilang sandali lang ay dumating na si Kitty galing restroom. She's four years old. She has Harris's eyes, but she looks more like her mom. This is the second time I'm meeting her. She's a bit of a brat, so Harris doesn't usually bring her along when we're together. But she's aware that I'm her dad's girlfriend. The fact that she's not exactly warm to me only adds to my confusion and discomfort. How am I supposed to be a part of this family when she doesn't even like me?

I smiled at her when she looked at me, but she just glared at me. Humarap siya kay Harris.

"Daddy, aren't we bringing Mommy with us today?"

Harris and I exchanged glances, and he sensed my discomfort. I could see the slight shift in his expression, like he was worried about how I was feeling.