My friend was a death force manipulator, a sorcerer of sorts. He would put parts of his soul into near death things coiling around them and lighting a spark. A spark so bright that they gasp with new found life bursting to their feet with a quickness that left them in awe. To see something so lifeless so cold and dark come alive like a blooming planet eons away was unnerving to say the least. I didn't quite believe your heart can kill you until I walked down those crimson steps.
Party chatter and the sent of alcohol consumed my senses. My eyes pinned tight, my fingers shaking tearing at the skin around my nails. Someone says my name, I know it'd be rude not to great them, my eyes open blinded by the fluorescent lights with a quiet smile. I kept my eye contact perfect look to the left look to the right nod shift stance, keep it together.
My friend left and a sigh escaped my lips my eyes darting to the alcohol with a small curiosity. The man to my left kept my heartbeat too unsteady to allow me to relax fully. Words tumble from his lips but I'm too uninterested to pay attention. My eyes look past him at the shelving nodding in understanding as I continue to ignore him. A laugh catches my heart string a jolt going down my nerves. I shake the feeling away, my eyes glance towards the sound annoyance written across my face.
Our eyes met.
I felt the air leave my lungs.
I was caught in a trance as everything around me faded away.
He wasn't the most attractive man I've seen. Simple in height, small in stature and full of himself.
But my chest felt like it'd be cracked open and ripped into his hands. His fingers plugging holes where my leaks should be. Creasing over bumps and cracks healing pieces of me I refused to even acknowledge.
He laughed again and I felt my body physically react to the sound. What am I feeling. I then dismiss myself from the man on my left and disappear to the porch.
WHAT. WAS. THAT.
I was never one for love at first sight surely you need to know more about a person. I'm reminded of how I feel for my last real boyfriend. A star struck teenager fawning for half a man and three times her terror. No this was different.
Was this one like Samuel a lifetime friend?
No this was different.
Is it like Ezikial a drowning feeling that will inhabit me until I'm close to death?
That seems closer.
Something in between.
Love at first sight doesn't exist. Only in fairy tails you know better.
I was approached by friends. Friend. What a word.
People I conversed with and enjoyed the company of. These people didn't give a single fuck about me. Why would they? I was just a simple girl that was far too dumb to know when to stop being kind. Doormat.
That's what they call it right? I think? I'm not quite sure. Perhaps I was a doormat or perhaps my heart was simply too big in my chest and with nothing permanent to love it leaked constantly onto anything and everyone I came in contact with. I hated it. The vulnerability of it, the femininity gentleness that needed someone to cater to it.
Alone.
It's better Alone.
I think back to Ezikial, he would know what to say. He would know how to cater to my heart and soul like it was his own. He would know how to care for my soft gentle nature and show me how soft and vulnerable I truly was.
Weakness isn't allowed.
I exhale and follow the others into the house. Music thumping under my feet from the floor below. That was all too much. The man to my left was trailing at my heels like a sickly pup begging for attention. I continued to dismiss him, surely he'll get the hint and leave me be.
