I Want You All To Myself

One

Josh's POV 

I felt like I had been hit by a car, and then forced to get up right away and run the marathon. All I actually had to do was walk through a long, winding and depressingly white hallway until I finally saw those three familiar faces, with their forced smiles and open arms. But my legs felt like two long pieces of paper.  

I couldn't remember the last time I'd eaten anything, and the last time I'd gotten any sleep was during that hour when I'd passed out a few days back. Of course, nobody was supposed to know, but they all did. I could tell they liked it. Knowing that I was going through hell every day, that I barely even knew what a "day" was anymore since it was always the same for me, always a nightmare.  

But that was the point, wasn't it? To teach me a lesson. You do something bad, this is what happens. Action-reaction. Pure fucking physics. Like I even knew what that was anymore.  

School was the last thing on my mind right then-not that I still had much in there. All I could think about was the importance of making it through that long walk without fainting. The crows were eyeing me with their deceptive white uniforms and fake smiles. One misstep could bring me right back to that prison cell. Not one of them even considered helping me out. It was a test. If I passed, I could finally be filed as "clean." And then it would all be over.  

But one question still spun around in my head. Was I REALLY clean? Was this story finally over? If I actually managed to get out and live again, would the craving come back? All I had been able to really focus on for the past couple of weeks - or whatever amount of time that had been - was getting out of here. Once and for all. Clean or not. I hadn't felt the craving, but that was only because I was too exhausted to feel anything else but a huge desire to die. But now that this was - hopefully - over...  

One of the crows took my hand then, pulling me out of my thoughts. "This way," she said happily. She was a ghost, a white shadow. They all were. All identical, all fake, all acting like they wanted to help us when all they really wanted was to make us suffer as much as possible. I loathed them, but feared them at the same time because I knew they were in charge. They were dangerous.  

She pulled me forward, forcing me to walk faster. I tripped several times but miraculously managed to keep going until she finally let go. And there they were. My sister, my father and my crying mother - she didn't seem to do anything else in my presence lately - waiting for me to appear at the gates of hell, freed.  

Even though I had seen them almost every day - especially my mother, who used all her spare time to visit me, which in my opinion was just wasting it - I felt like I was seeing them for the first time in a long time. Like the people who had come to see me during my two months of hell weren't my real family, because they always left without me, abandoning me into the hands of the ghosts. But this time they would take me too. 

I felt a twinge of joy at that thought. This was actually happening. I was truly free.  

My mother wiped her eyes, only to sob harder as she pulled me into a bear hug, squeezing the last bits of air out of my lungs. "Oh, my baby..." she muttered, stroking my hair. I hugged her back weakly, but my arms were so heavy I could barely hold them up.  

Once my mother finally let go of me, it was my sister's turn. Her hug was far less rib-crushing and much shorter, but I could tell she was holding back. Good, I couldn't wait for this to be over so I could finally walk out of here and run away from this fucking nightmare.  

My father ruffled my hair before hugging me so fast that by the time I registered what was happening, it was over.  

"Well, all the papers are signed," declared a horrible voice I never wanted to hear again. "Your son is clean, and free to go. Here are his things." She probably handed my parents the pathetic suitcase that had been my only companion for past months, but I didn't see anything. I was too lost in the contemplation of the sky through the window. Finally, I would be able to see it without knowing that it would be taken from me too soon. Finally, I could breathe in the fresh air for as long as I wanted without being shoved back into the suffocating little white room like a prisoner.