I Want You All To Myself

Twenty

Josh's POV 

Sometimes I stopped to wonder: had this all just been a dream? Had my encounter with Hayley been real? What were the odds? For some reason, I had a tendency to forget the most recent parts of my life during the shorts nights of sleep I got, so much that when I woke up and it all came back to me, I felt like I had leaped through time and landed somewhere in a future that had yet to happen, like in an epic sci-fi movie. For example, some mornings I woke up still thinking I was in rehab, and other times I even forgot I had been there in the first place, and them BAM- 

I saw the disappointment in everybody's eyes, the songs I had written that told my sad story, the brand new bumper on my mother's car, and I remembered. I remembered what a roller coaster my life had been after I'd escaped from rehab, especially that one day when I had seen Hayley again. 

It was quite incredible how many things had happened in one single day. I had not only seen my long-lost ex-girlfriend for the first time in three years, but I had also taken her home, made out with her-even though she was NOT single-run after her when she'd noticed the wrongness of the situation and decided to leave, brought her back to my house, slept with her, driven her back to her bus in the middle of the night, crashed into a middle-aged strip-club owner on my way back AND almost gotten back into heroin that same night. Thank god I had pulled through without killing myself one way or another. 

But now... Now nothing happened anymore. Just my regular routine, splitting my days between loneliness, Matt and useless attempts at getting some sleep. I had never thought I would miss high school so bad.  

I wondered how much time had passed. Maybe three months. Maybe two days. Ok, more than two days, but most likely less than three months. I really needed a calendar. 

At least Matt and I were really starting to think about getting a band together-well, Matt was; I was too stuck in my state of melancholic lethargy to think about anything. I think he was a bit annoyed at me for not seeming interested in anything, but I WAS interested, I just didn't show it! Still, 'Are you listening to me, Josh?' was a question I was being asked more and more frequently, in more and more irritated tones, and not only by Matt. I don't even know why anyone still bothered to talk to me. 

"Josh! Are you listening to me!?" 

My head snapped up and I stared at Matt in confusion. I had a feeling he'd been calling my name for a while before I'd actually been aware of it. He returned my gaze with the usual annoyed expression before it turned to worry and then pain. He looked down and threw the paper he was holding on the floor. "Nevermind," he muttered. 

"No! What is it?" I asked desperately, trying to make up for my lack of attention with a new enthusiasm. Matt didn't answer. He didn't even look at me. I suppose it was exactly what I'd been doing for the past few hours.  

I swallowed back my regret and picked up the paper, trying to spot what he'd wanted to show me. I couldn't find anything interesting though-except for an ad by a lady trying to sell her washing machine because, and I quote, 'I accidentally bought two.' Genius. "Seriously, Matt, what is it!?" 

He only managed to pout for one more second before sighing in defeat. "Bottom left," he said, pursing his lips.  

I looked to where he indicated and finally noticed the tiny rectangle hidden between two overly colourful car wash ads. I felt a smile grow on my face as I read the two little sentences and looked back up at Matt. His eyes sparkled with hope as he waited for my reaction. 

"Ian Casselman the drummer, eh? That's a pretty funny name. I can already think of twenty nicknames for this guy..." 

"Doesn't sound like a fake name, though," Matt noted unsurely. It actually did, but I chose to keep that to myself.  

Let's just say we'd had a pretty bad experience with a fake name a few days earlier-at least, I supposed it was a few days, what with my internal clock being all whirly and all-when we'd fallen for some dude's bogus ad and we'd ended up calling some wealthy politician asking him if he wanted to be in our band. Since then, Matt and I-mostly Matt-were very weary when it came to dubious ads that contained unusual names. 

"I think we should give it a try," Matt said. I could feel a slight panic in his voice as he watched me, worried that I would slip back in my state of living-vegetable.  

I smiled to reassure him and added to it by going, "Yeah! We should!" 

I reached for my phone while a new hope started building up deep inside me. Maybe, just maybe, for once, something might go right for me... 

But just as I laid one finger on the cellphone, it rang and vibrated out of my reach. Before I could react, Matt picked it up and looked at the screen curiously. His smile suddenly faded.  

His next words explained why and made me wanna throw up. I just didn't know if it was of happiness or horror. 

"It's Hayley," he said. 

Hayley's POV 

"Breathe," I ordered to myself as I watched my reflection in the mirror slowly growing blurry while my eyes welled up with cold tears.  

I had to keep it together. It would be okay. It had to be okay. 

I had to tell him. He had to know. 

Without thinking, I grabbed my phone from my back pocket and dialed the numbers I knew by heart with shaky fingers. I held the phone up to my ear and tried to listen to the ringing despite the sound of my heart pounding in my head.  

"Breathe," I repeated, slightly annoyed. This only made me burst into tears and I fell to the floor, my knees no longer capable of holding me upright. The cellphone sprang from my hands and dropped a few feet away from me. I ignored it at first, but finally decided it was better to pick it up in case someone was waiting for an answer on the other side. Someone... 

Did I really want to talk to him now? Would it make things better? I didn't really feel like I had a choice though, given the circumstances.  

While I reached for the little object apprehensively, I thought back on how this all had happened. I still couldn't believe it. 

Half a day. That was all. That was the amount of time I had spent with Josh Ramsay, and now it destroyed me. It had pulled Jack and me apart, and I had later pulled Jack and his friend Alex apart as well. It was pulling our band apart, along with my relationship with Jeremy and my mother and... everybody else. Everything was falling to pieces. All because of one little day and one little night that had gone terribly wrong, but had also been the best time of my life. 

And now, to top it all... 

This. 

I had to tell him. With that thought, I was shoved back into reality and to the phone I was about to hold up to my ear.  

"Hello? Anyone there? Yoohoo..." came a voice from the other side. It wasn't Josh though. Had I dialled the wrong number? 

"H-Hello?" I mumbled anyway. 

"Hayley?" 

I gasped. Whoever that was, he knew my name.