I Want You All To Myself

Seventeen

Josh's POV 

Time was flying by. I spent most of it working on the song that had come to my mind the night Hayley had left and helping my mom out with whatever I could-all the pain I'd caused her had finally caught up to me in the form of unbearable guilt, and I did all I could to make things a little better, even though it wasn't much.  

But seriously, I had never realised how much cleaning this fucking house needed before. 

I hadn't talked to Matt in days, the last time being at Warped Tour when he'd broken his hand trying to follow me-clap, clap-but I didn't feel ready to tell him yet. What would he think of me if he found out I'd slept with Hayley? He'd probably laugh at me. Or tell me I'm irresponsible and give me a longer speech than my mom had. Well, my mom's speech hadn't really been that long...  

Anyway, I ignored his incessant calls and desperate texts for as long as I could without exploding with guilt, until one glorious day I finally gathered the guts to call him back. I was sick of being alone all the time and I really needed to see him again.  

"Oh look, the chick magnet finally calls," he said as soon as he picked up.  

Wow, that made me feel even shittier. "Sorry, man. I was just... busy." He had to be retarded to buy that. "Anyway, I need to talk to you."  

He probably noticed the way I said 'need' instead of 'want', because he immediately proposed to come over and I accepted gladly.  

"Oh, by the way," he added before hanging up, "my finger's still broken, so I can't play anymore. Just thought you should know." Aw. That sucked. He hung up before I could say it out loud, but he didn't need me to say it to know I was thinking it. 

It only took him about five minutes to reach my house. Well, he'd either sprinted all the way here or he'd used that adorable chubby scooter of his. He didn't even know how to drive an actual car yet, poor little guy. Oh course, I took every chance I got to tease him about it and the way it pissed him off WAY more than necessary was hilarious. 

I opened the door to let him in and threw a quick glance at the driveway. Yep, it was the scooter. "I see you brought Toby over," I said, already smiling at the reaction I knew he would have. 

"Shut up, shut up!" he ordered angrily. Why was this so funny? "Stop calling it that!" 

"What? Chubby Toby?" I was laughing so hard I could barely stand up.  

Matt grunted and headed toward my room without bothering to wait for me. "Hey, slow down!" I ran after him down the stairs and found him studying a sheet of paper on my desk. Aw, I liked it better when he was pissed off and not closely evaluating a piece of my very private feelings. Now I was starting to feel awfully self-conscious. "That's uh, a song I'm writing now."  

I almost never wrote anything without Matt's help, and I could tell it bothered him that I hadn't asked for it this time. It had felt weird for me too, and I was glad to ask him for help now-even though it kind of felt like sharing with him something I would rather keep to myself.  

"I think you'd like it better if I actually played it, don't you think?" Might as well get the shyness out of the way. I picked up my guitar and sat on the edge of the bed. "Oh, by the way, feel free to make any changes you want. And tell me if it sucks-but do it nicely." Matt was silent as always, watching me strum the first chords nervously. I couldn't stop wondering what was going through his mind. "All the times I tried to steal my best for you," I sang. Well, my voice had had better days. "And I threw it up to keep it down and watch it burn I hate the sound..." 

I just hoped I would remember all the lyrics. I usually had them right in front of me, but now Matt had the paper. Oh well, it wasn't like I was singing in front of a judge, just my best friend in the whole world... who probably hated me after I'd deliberately ignored him for days during which I'd broken the sacred promise of never writing a serious song without him. Oops.