I Want You All To Myself

Ten

Hayley's POV 

My heart was torn apart. It was stretched painfully between my lover and my best friend, to the point where I didn't even know which was which. I almost wished I could have two boyfriends at the same time without feeling like a whore. Oops, excuse my language.  

I looked up at Josh who was still leaning against the door, smiling weakly at me. He was trying so hard to be friendly and understanding, and all I could do was deny him. It all felt so wrong. 

Sure, I loved Jack. He was not only a great boyfriend but an amazing friend, who'd helped me through a lot of things. But just a few hours ago Josh had revealed to me that he'd been the one to ask Jack to do that, to "take care of me once he was gone." Maybe that didn't really matter, but now I couldn't pull this thought out of my head-the thought that Jack had only been just another gift from Josh. 

Josh was so special. He had a sort of pull on me that no one else had, not even Jack. Sure, we'd been pulled apart before, but I had always longed for him, even when I managed to convince myself that I didn't. And suddenly, I felt like I would never be able to walk away from him. Not entirely. Even if I did, he would still be there, in my every thought. And that actually was kind of creepy. 

No. I wanted Josh for real, not just as the memory of the perfect man I never had.  

But how could I have that without losing everything else? 

Josh's POV 

Well, this was awkward. The last thing she'd said to me-"I will never forget you, Josh Ramsay" in a melodramatic voice-had honestly freaked the fuck out of me. It felt so much like a goodbye. Why would she ever have to forget me? It wasn't like we would never see each other again. 

Right? 

"So, Hayles..." I said to break that horrible silence. "Wanna see something really awesome?" I wasn't exactly sure how awesome it actually was, and I wasn't exactly ready to show it to her-or anyone, for that matter-but it was the only thing I could think of. 

"Sure!" She seemed happy to finally have something to do. I knew I was. 

I quickly searched my desk for that piece of paper I had left there a few days earlier-dammit, why did I always forget in which drawer I left stuff? Finally, I found what I was looking for and ran to grab my guitar before sitting next to Hayley.  

She giggled and said, "You don't have to rush like that, you know. I have time." 

"I'm scared you'll vanish," I answered honestly-TOO honestly. She laughed again, but I could tell she knew that I meant it.  

"Ok, so..." I took a deep breath and handed her the paper. "It's not much, but it's the beginning of a song me and Matt are writing. I mean, I know you're practically an expert in that stuff..." 

"Not at all!" She shook her head, smiling widely. "I had a LOT of help with writing my songs. Jack pretty much did all the work."  

For some reason, I had a lot of trouble believing that. "You're just being nice." 

Surprisingly enough, she didn't deny it. She just smiled at the paper, reading the words scribbled in my sloppy handwriting-and occasionally Matt's annoyingly perfect one-with careful attention. Too careful. 

"So, you wanna hear it?" I asked nervously, pulling her away from her study of my lyrics. For some reason, I almost felt like she was reading something very private, like that was a diary or something. Of course, it was kinda stupid of me to make a song with it if it felt so goddamn intimate. Fucking genius.