I Want You All To Myself

Twenty-Four

24 

Josh's POV 

Ian was more annoying than I'd thought. We'd talked about the band for about five minutes and spent the next three hours playing truth or dare. For some reason, Matt seemed genuinely happy to do whatever the ginger sheep wanted, but I just felt like digging myself a hole and spending the rest of the day in it.  

And you know, when I said 'truth or dare', I meant actual girl's-night truth or dare with girly questions and popcorn. It's surprising that we weren't painting our nails yet. 

Of course, Ian eventually asked the girlfriend question. "So, do you guys have girlfriends or what?" This was exactly what I was trying to avoid. Having to explain to some guy I barely knew my very complicated situation. Matt shot me a meaningful glance. Ian's smile disappeared and he eyed me pitifully. "Wrong time to ask that question?" 

Yes. Very wrong. 

All those pointless thoughts I was throwing around in my head in order to escape this hell were gone. They left a deep dark hole that was quickly filled with one thing. Hayley. Hayley and her... passenger. 

"So... truth or dare?" Ian asked for the hundredth time in order to change the subject. For some reason, he seemed to be asking us way more than we asked anyone.  

"Hey, wasn't it my turn!?" Matt protested. 

"Yeah, but I thought we were starting over since-" 

"Oh, shut the fuck up!" I interrupted angrily. Unable to take any of this anymore, I got up, shoved Ian out of the way and left the room and the house. I wanted to go home.  

But halfway through the porch, I gave up. I was acting like a little kid with anger management problems. I sat down on the wooden stairs and placed my head between my knees.  

The thing was destroying me. Even the distance couldn't keep it from grinding to pieces any bit of happiness in my life. Even if I wasn't the one it was living inside. Even if I didn't technically have to worry about it, I just couldn't... not worry! I was dying inside. And how long had it been since I knew? A week? 

Man. What would I do when it started growing and changing Hayley? What would I do when it emerged into the world and started doing things!? How would I keep up with it? What was I even supposed to do!? 

But then... I was aware that there was another possible ending to this horror story. Hayley could very well get rid of the thing before it did any damage. It was the logical solution. And somehow, my stomach knotted every time I considered the possibility. For some reason, that just felt WRONG, as if I was ready to face whatever shit may come from the existence of the thing, but I wasn't ready to just pulverise it. It was too easy. It was too unfair to the thing.  

Just like every one of these thoughts was too unfair to Hayley. I shook my head and looked up quickly, which made me feel dizzy. At least it chased away those stupid thoughts. I had no right to judge whether it was right or wrong if Hayley chose to- 

But then again, it was MY baby as much as it was hers. 

Dammit Josh, stop overthinking. Maybe if I just looked at the clouds instead. So white and fluffy. They seemed so peaceful, floating through the sky carelessly without giving one flying fuck about what was happening under them. But clouds had one little flaw. Once they started gathering together and growing, they became dark and dangerous, almost angry. And them BAM, it rained and they vanished. 

It was kind of like my relationship with Hayley. When we were apart we floated around happily, minding our own business, but as soon as we got together we stopped thinking straight and something bad happened. And now we were vanishing. We were turning to ghosts while that stupid rain took all the space and ate us from the inside...