I Want You All To Myself

Nine

Hayley's POV 

I let out a shriek that hurt my own ears before echoing through the houses lining the long road I didn't even know the name of. I shoved away whoever was behind me and turned to run as fast as I could in the opposite direction. Maybe if I was fast enough he would give up on trying to catch me and I would escape... 

"Hayley!" yelled a voice I recognized too well. That was NOT a rapist. But it was probably worse. I froze and spun around slowly. At first, I was blinded by the headlights of the car that had stopped next to me, and then I started to distinguish a vague shadow standing in front of the light, a dozen feet away from me, unmoving. "It's me, Josh," he said softly, his arms held out in front of him, as if he was scared of startling me again.  

"What are you doing here? How did you find me?" I asked, a million questions spinning in my head. 

"I, uh, I figured you would probably get lost, so I went out to look for you," he answered dully, a carefully composed expression on his face. Well, that was obviously half the truth. But I faked belief, nodding understandingly. "To be honest, I wasn't wrong," he added with a smile. "The stadium's that way." He pointed his thumb in the other direction from where I was going. Oops.  

I chuckled nervously and took a few steps toward him until a normal distance separated us. "Well then... Could you, um..." 

"Drive you to your bus?" he completed. "Sure, that's... that's why I came." Again that unsure tone.  

I cleared my throat uncomfortably. "Ok, well..." Ugh, this was so awkward. No, it was worse than that. It was embarrassing.  

I smiled nervously as he gestured me to sit in the passenger seat of the car while he walked around it to the driver's seat. 

I buckled up and stared out the window while he started the engine. Small drops of water covered my view of the big gray houses as it began to drizzle. Josh turned on the wipers and we were off. He drove slowly back towards his house, which must have been on the way-wow, I had been walking in the wrong direction since the beginning! 

I could feel the tension rise between us in the irritating silence. I tried not to think about what Josh and I had done, about what we'd been ABOUT to do... About Jack.  

This was so wrong. It was so... so... Funny? Before I knew it, I was chuckling into my hand, trying to dissimilate the sound. Of course, it was useless. 

"What's so funny?" Josh asked, a confused smile tugging at the corner of his lips.  

I shrugged. "I dunno... This whole fricking situation! I mean, it's terrible, but it's just so... pathetic and... hilarious!" This time, I couldn't control it anymore. I was giggling almost hysterically. Josh joined it a bit half-heartedly at first but soon he was laughing as hard as me, hard enough that he had to stop the car so we wouldn't run into a tree.  

After a few long seconds of idiotic laughter, we fell back into a gloomy silence. Josh turned to me gravely. "I don't want you to leave," he said quietly.  

My stomach knotted. I didn't want that either. "But I have to," I whispered regretfully. "I have to leave just like you did three years ago." It wasn't the same, but close enough. Back in Freshman year, Josh had had no choice but to move back to Canada and leave me behind in my crappy American town, all alone-or almost. I had been so angry at him, but I knew it wasn't his fault. He'd had no say in that. 

This time, it was his turn to understand. I had a life. I had a boyfriend. I had a band. And he just didn't fit in anywhere.  

Josh's POV 

"I have to leave just like you did three years ago." 

I was perfectly aware of that. But wasn't it a little douchey of her to throw that on me like it had all been my fault? I hadn't wanted to leave! So what, was I somehow guilty of fucking everything up three years ago that now I had to suddenly be understanding and let her go? Again? Wouldn't that just add up to the guilt?