I Want You All To Myself

Twenty-One

Josh's POV 

"Hayley?" Matt whispered into my phone, careful not to scare her away. "Are you alright?" It had taken Hayley a few long seconds before she'd said anything after picking up-I could tell because Matt had mumbled a lot of "hello's" before his face had finally lit up-and that was never a good sign.  

Another strained silence passed and then Matt chuckled nervously and slapped his forehead. "Oops! Sorry. It's Matt... You know, Josh's friend...?" Oh right, Hayley was probably wondering who the hell was answering my cellphone and why it wasn't me.  

The truth is... I was unable to talk to her. Don't ask me why, but no matter how much I missed her and longer for her, whenever I had the opportunity to actually speak to her, my brain blocked. When Matt had told me Hayley was calling, I had almost been able to feel each of my limbs slowly go numb one by one while my mind was drowning in panic. Matt had probably noticed the lack of colour in my face and had decided it was wiser to just pick up the phone himself.  

It was only now that I started to feel embarrassed for being such a wussy. I mean seriously, it was just a GIRL. Nothing to be scared of. Nope.  

Except that I had most likely ruined her life in the length of half a day and half a night and she probably hated me and loved me at the same time, and now she would either declare her love to me or leave me forever. Eep. 

"Uh, she wants to talk to you," Matt said before handing me the phone. He awkwardly watched me struggle to raise my arm and wrap my fingers around the little object without moving. 

When I finally managed to hold the phone up to my ear-after centuries of hard work-I swallowed hard and whispered, "Hello?" I winced at the croak I had just produced while Matt failed at hiding his laughter. "Shut up," I mouthed, shooting him lasers through my eyes. 

"Josh?" 

Oh shit. It's her. What do I do? Help! "Hi... Hayles... Uh, how's it going?" Wow, Josh, that was great. I mean, she's obviously in a FANTASTIC mood, it's a good thing you asked! 

"Not so good..." Hayley muttered from the other side of the line. She sounded terrible. Oh, man. 

"What's wrong...?" I asked unsurely. Why was she calling me? How in the world could I help her? 

"Um... would you mind asking Matt to leave, please? I'd like it if we were alone." But we're on the phone. Technically, we're not together, thus we can't be 'alone.'  

I let that thought go and told Matt to get the hell out in the nicest way I could. He obeyed like a good boy-he was surely glad to escape to the kitchen by himself and eat all the Oreos-and I told Hayley that we were now 'alone.' 

I could practically hear her gulp. "Josh, there's something I need to tell you. It's probably gonna be shocking." Uh oh. I did not like where this was going. "And please don't be mad." Ok, now I was confused. "I'm..." She took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant." 

Hayley's POV 

I would rather have told him I was a man-eating unicorn.  

At first, there was a deep silence. He then let out a short and fake chuckle and said, "You're kidding. This can't be true." 

But it was. Oh my god, it was. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, you don't even know..." Apologizing didn't make me feel less guilty and horrible for what had happened to us, but I still tried. 

It still took him about half a minute before he finally answered. "We're so fucked," he declared. "I can't believe this. I just..." It was silent again.  

The guilt kept rising and chocking me, so I muttered some more apologies to keep from suffocating. "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... I really am..." 

"Why the fuck are you sorry!?" His voice was now thick with tears and he cleared his throat quickly-too late. I couldn't answer his question. I didn't really know the answer, but at the same time it felt so utterly OBVIOUS that I wondered why he even asked. "This is all my fault," he muttered. "I knew this would happen. This kind of thing only happens to me. I'm the biggest fucking jinx in the universe..." He was now muttering to himself and I had trouble understanding his words.  

It didn't really matter though.  

At least he knew. I had managed to tell him. That's all that mattered for now. I could at least enjoy my tiny victory before the true battle began. 

And to think that, two days ago, I hadn't even been aware that there would BE a battle. I had found out so abruptly when my mother had made a humorless joke about me being pregnant since I was always sick for no reason. I used to blame the sickness on the deep sadness that weighed on me, but I guess it was something much simpler. Or much more complicated. 

In a few hours, my whole life had been flipped up-side down. And now all I had to do was hold on and never let go, try my best not to fall in the abyss of panic that waited under my dangling feet. 

I had to stay strong and clean up the awful mess I'd made. 

Josh's POV 

Oh shit. 

This couldn't be happening. She was probably kidding. It just couldn't- 

BUT WHO THE HELL WOULD MAKE SUCH A SICK JOKE? 

Nope. This was real.  

For some reason, I'd always known this would happen. I mean, I hadn't known EXACTLY what would happen but I knew that something bad would result from my short encounter with Hayley, and unfortunately, I had been right-for once. 

Still, even if I had expected it, it took long and painful moments for it to sink in. And just when I thought that I had truly grasped the meaning of the situation, I realised that I hadn't really grasped anything at all and that this was WAY worse than I could comprehend.  

There was a baby inside Hayley. No, not a baby. A brain-eating six-legged creature that sucked the joy out of her soul. And that I, ME, had shoved into her. Gross.  

Why me? Why her? What did we do to deserve this!? 

Were people normally happy to find out they had somehow contributed to the perpetuation of the human species? I suppose it was a good thing when you weren't seventeen and the mother didn't have another boyfriend and lived a million kilometres away.  

Mother. What a strange thing to call Hayley.  

Ugh, this was just sick. Without thinking, I hung up on her and stormed out of the room. I climbed the stairs two by two and told Matt I was going for a walk before slamming the front door behind me. I needed to be alone. Away from all this crap.  

The warm summer air felt soft and welcoming. I inhaled deeply and let my feet guide me through the peaceful streets coated in the orange light of dusk, forgetting everything.