I Want You All To Myself

Twenty-Three

Hayley's POV 

I still hadn't called Josh.  

I know, I know, I was being stupid and cowardly and it was useless to try to hide anything from him because one way or another, he would find out eventually. Most likely from myself. But I just couldn't resolve myself to pick up the phone and tell him that I had every intention to... dispose of the thing. What would he think of that? Would he agree? Would he convince me not to do it? Would he even care? The only way to know would be to talk to him... 

Come to think of it, why did he not call me himself!? Maybe he actually didn't care. Maybe he didn't want to deal with me anymore. Maybe I should just leave him alone. 

And there I went, reaching once again the conclusion that it was better not to ever talk to Josh again.  

Josh's POV 

The doorbell made me bounce up from the bed in excitement. Matt and I hurled ourselves out of the room and to the entrance hall to answer the door before his mom did. We didn't want her to be the first to discover whatever was standing on the other side-for once in her life she'd let me sleep over at Matt's; we wouldn't wanna scare the shit out of her already. 

Thankfully, when Matt opened the door-somehow, he'd been faster than me-we discovered a relatively normal curly-haired person with a wide and slightly creepy smile. Not a slimy alien or a basket with a fake baby in it-not even kidding, the basket thing had actually happened to us once. We freaked out until we realised it was April 1st.  

Anyway, Matt opened the door, and half a second later a hand was grabbing his and shaking it thoroughly. "Hello! The name's Ian!" Before I knew it, he had shoved his was past Matt and was now shaking my own hand hard enough that I almost lost my balance. I had to take a second to understand what was happening to me. "How do you do?" Ian asked, bowing his head like a gentleman. He had let go of my hand and was now politely waiting for one of us to respond. 

Matt cleared his throat uneasily. "Um, great," he said. "How about you...?" 

"I think he's pretty happy," I observed before Ian could answer. "He practically ripped my arm off." 

Ian frowned at my accusation. "Well, sorry, just tryin' to be friendly," he said in a deep and serious voice. I suddenly felt bad for being an asshole. Which was strange since I never felt bad for being an asshole.  

"So... I'll show you around, Ian!" Matt proposed enthusiastically, breaking the silence. Pretty soon, they were both walking around the house while Matt blabbered on about his mom's terrible decorating skills. I stayed behind, feeling like shit. 

I was tired and annoyed. I was worried as fuck about everything. I was just plain sick of living this monotonous life while somewhere far away, something so much better was waiting for me. If only I had the guts to call her. 

The problem was that I had no idea what I would say to her. 'Hi, Hayles, just wondering how things were going with that pregnancy and all...' Perfect. Just perfect.  

Giving up, I dragged my feet back towards Matt's room. "Hey, Josh!" he greeted when I passed him.  

I swear, I had never seen Matt talk this much. He seemed really happy now. Good for him. I tried blocking out his voice while he continued to chatter restlessly. But just before I zoned out, something he said caught my ear. "Here we have a cheap painting of a disproportional swan which my mother considers... magnificent." I smiled as I imagined the face he would make after saying that.  

But what had really drawn my attention was the word 'swan' and all the memories it brought back. That had been a hell of a night-the best night of my life... 

Man, all that wrestling with a piece of paper! Hayley had fixed my horrible creation with a flip of her thumb. I remembered drawing the little eyes on each side of the swan's head and naming it Francis. Wow, how the hell had I come up with that!? 

I held back a chuckle. Instead, it came out as a sob. Oh shit, not now. I leaned against Matt's door and hoped that it would stop before he and Ian came.  

I needed to talk to her. Now.  

Without thinking, I picked up my phone. 

Hayley's POV 

I jumped when my phone rang. Emily stopped talking mid-sentence and stared at me, her pretty eyes wide. "Oh my god, maybe it's him!" I wasn't sure if by 'him' she meant Josh or Jack. Well, either way, it was about time. 

I reached into my purse with a shaky hand. This purse was too big for me. And ugly. But Emily had insisted that I buy it, and since she was now my only friend, I had accepted.  

I truly missed Jeremy and Zac, and even Zac's brother-despite the fact that he was sometimes a pain in the neck. But the guys had decided to take a break from the band now that Jack was gone and I was being so reclusive. Jeremy had even threatened to leave the band permanently, and even though I knew he was just saying that out of anger, I was scared he might mean it. 

So I had gotten myself a girlfriend, like most girls did. I had abandoned Emily when I'd left school to be home-schooled. Luckily, she had been more than happy to take me back, and in less than a day we were BFFs again. She knew the whole story-yes, she was aware of my... condition. But she didn't judge. She was the friendliest person I knew. Just like I remembered her. We were now taking a walk in the park after a long shopping spree. I might be a rock star, but I still loved shopping. I hadn't been this happy in a long time.  

Too bad there was this phone call to ruin it. 

"Hello?" I answered in a small voice. I had forgotten to check who was calling out of nervousness.  

"Hayley?" Thankfully, I recognized the voice immediately. 

"Hey, Jack!" Emily's smile widened with excitement. She started whispering to me what I should say, but I waved her away. "How are you?" I hoped for an honest answer. 

"Fine, I guess," he muttered. That was all but honest. "Can we talk? I mean, face to face?" I nodded and pursed my lips. Emily stared at me with questions in her desperate eyes. 

"Yes, Jack. We should." And I should probably tell you about a little something I'm carrying around. I felt a knot in my stomach as I realised that Jack didn't even know I wasn't a virgin anymore. Wow, that was the perfect thing to help our relationship... 

I sighed. At least he would know. He had the right to. Just like Josh had the right to know about the abortion I was planning.  

The only difference was that Josh would never know. Not until it was too late. 

Josh's POV 

The line was busy. Well, fuck. I put the phone down while my wild wave of courage splashed into droplets of despair. 

Whatever impulse had driven me before, it was gone. I suddenly didn't feel so brave anymore. I wiped my stubborn eyes and hoped again that they wouldn't be red by the time Matt and Ian saw me. 

That's when someone pushed on the door I was leaning on. Speak of the devil... 

Since the door didn't open, they started knocking like crazy so I got out of the way before they punched a hole through it. The door immediately flew open and hit the wall while Matt came tumbling through the threshold. Ian was standing behind him, holding his sides laughing. Jeez, they sure were getting along great.  

I felt a bit rejected all of a sudden. Here came another long afternoon of depression, except this time it would be in the company of two happy little ponies.  

Oh, Hayles.