I Want You All To Myself

Thirteen

Hayley's POV 

There were two last shows I had to go through before I could go back home. For the first time, I didn't even care. I practiced my vocals just enough so I wouldn't forget any lyrics, and paid no attention to the actual meaning of the songs. There was only one song that came spinning around my head whenever I was alone. It was the song Josh had sung for me that night, one of the most beautiful things I'd ever heard.  

It was strange, usually I wasn't able to remember a melody that I had only heard once, but in this case I sometimes caught myself humming it, and some lyrics even came back to me now and then.  

Anyway, the last shows passed dully, just another gray splatter on a big gray wall I could call "my life." Maybe I was acting like a spoiled brat. I knew so many people would give anything to be in my place right then, in front of thousands of people, doing what I loved most, but I couldn't bring myself to be happy anymore.  

I was just tired, bored, lonely... I missed him so much.  

And then our tour dates had passed and we could finally go home again. I was happy to go back to my warm and familiar corner of heaven again, but there was a deep worry weighing on me, and it could be summarized in one word. Jack. 

I had to tell him. I HAD to tell him about Josh. I simply couldn't pretend nothing had happened and move on. I couldn't lie to my best friend. And I was so scared about what his reaction would be. I knew he wouldn't take it lightly-if he did, I would probably doubt his love for me. But I hated the thought of hurting the one person who'd been there for me for so long. This was the way I thanked him for all that? By sleeping with someone else?  

Ugh, Hayley, you horrible person.  

We took the plane home, our bus having been taken by another band who would play the last half of Warped. I hadn't been in many planes in my life, and the experience still scared me a little, but that was nothing compared to the terror I felt at the thought of my next conversation with Jack. 

I thought back on the few times we'd talked on the phone during the past days. I hadn't mentioned anything suspicious-I wanted to tell him face to face, when he wouldn't be able to just hang up-but every "I love you" he shot me was like a slap in the face.  

I didn't even notice when the plane landed, being so caught up in my anxiety.  

"You ok, Hays?" Zac asked, noticing my distracted behavior. He, as well as the rest of my band, often asked me that these days. My constant evasive answers had made the frequency of the questions drop dramatically, but they still threw in a little "You ok?" here and there. 

I nodded quickly and focused my attention on checking my bag to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything so I wouldn't have to look at him. 

My mother was waiting for me at the airport, a huge smile plastered on her still splendid-even though she was almost forty-face. "How was it!? Tell me everything!" She hugged the breath out of me before I could answer. I had called her almost every day to tell her about the tour, so I didn't see what else I could talk to her about.  

Oh. Well, there was one thing.  

And before I knew it, I was sobbing. My mom pulled away in worry and confusion before hugging me again and stroking my hair. "What's wrong, darling?" she asked in a voice full of concern. 

"I did something so wrong, mommy..." I felt like a helpless little girl again, crying in her mother's arms, confused and scared. "I cheated on Jack." 

Bam. I said it. My mother stopped stroking me and pulled away to look my in the eye. "What happened?" Her voice wasn't as harsh as I expected. She looked at me with a mixture of compassion and seriousness.