If Only

Chapter 30

Chapter 30 

I went to school on Monday with red eyes and a sniffling nose. No matter how many times I tried to get myself to stop crying over the weekend, I just couldn't. My heart couldn't handle being broken twice in a row, all in a matter of a few weeks.

This morning I had asked my mother to drive me to school, but after seeing what a mess I was she tried to convince me to stay home, thinking that I clearly was not ready after the kidnapping. I told her that I was fine though, which of course was a lie. I didn't think I could ever be fine after that.  

Walking like a zombie to my locker, I didn't care that my hair was not brushed or that my clothes were wrinkly. If I was upset, I could do whatever the heck I wanted! I paused, astonished at my thoughts. Maybe I really could sympathize with Kristie after all. 

Turning my combination lock, I finally got it to open. I absentmindedly grabbed some books that I thought I would need and shut my locker. Looking around, I noticed that I had been getting some weird stares, but at least they weren't people I knew. 

I walked to my first period class alone, feeling desperately isolated for the first time. After hearing that girl "Star" answer Nate's phone, I had turned my phone off and shut out all social media. I didn't want to see his stupid face anymore. 

Standing in front of the door, I thought I was safe-  that I had made it to my first class without any interruptions. Sadly, that was not the case when I heard Stacy call my name. 

"Katie! Oh my gosh I've been trying to contact you all weekend! I even showed up at your house once but your mom shooed me away. Are you alright?" She looked me up and down. "And what happened to you? Did you just roll out of bed this morning and decide to come to school?" 

I smiled internally at her last statement. That's exactly what happened. On the outside, however, I made my face look uninterested and tired. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." I replied before taking a step towards my classroom. 

"Wait!" Stacy yelled and placed her hand on my shoulder. "Nate wants to talk to you." 

"Tell Nate he can go to-" I began to yell back, but while I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking I had run into a wall. I opened my eyes and stared at the white in front of me. Yup, definitely a wall, and not a person's chest of anything. 

I felt hands around my waist from behind me as someone pulled me away from the wall. "Hey, Katie, you should be more careful." Nate said.

Quickly turning around, I forced his hands to drop from my waist as I raised my hand and slapped him. He was taken aback and looked at me in shock. "I- what... Katie?" He seemed at a loss of words, as I was too. Why did I just have to slap him, and in front of my classroom too? This was getting all too public.

Unable to trust my voice, I mouthed the word "sorry" and backed away until I was in the safety of my own classroom. The teacher was already in there, giving me curious looks as she probably had just seen what just happened. I shrunk in my desk and tried to be invisible for the rest of the period.

By the time it was lunch I had successfully avoided everyone, even Stacy, who I had one class with before lunch. Although I knew that I shouldn't be lashing out at her, especially after her break up with Marcus, I couldn't help but cut myself off from everyone else. 

I was hurt, and I wanted to be alone. 

I wasn't surprised, however, when Nate found me in my favorite hiding place at school: the back of the library. 

As soon as I saw him I had tried to run away, but he grabbed me by the arms, trying not to make too much noise as we were in the library. I struggled to get free, but this time he wrapped his arms around my torso, forcing my face to be impossibly close to his. Part of me was reliving the kidnapping and was freaking out, while the other part of me was so entranced by his face being so close to mine that I didn't care.