chasing girl wonder

deglaze

With the sunlight dappling the wooden floor through the octagon window, a comfortable silence occupied Lisa and Roseanne as they were nestled together on a large beanbag chair in the treehouse. Lisa rested her head at the crook of Roseanne's neck, her eyes falling absently on Love, curled up sleepily against her right foot. Emotionally exhausted, her swollen eyes and Roseanne's gentle strokes of her hair were causing her to feel sleepy, too, she was tempted to pull Roseanne on the floor and lay there in quietness, away from everybody, for as long as possible. Love, Roseanne, and the treehouse. They were her temporary escape, her cure from everything that hurt.

"Hey, do you want to... maybe lay somewhere comfortable? At your place, or...?" Roseanne asked softly, lightly kissing Lisa's forehead.

Lisa lifted her face and straightened up in her seat, swerving her arm over Roseanne's head to change positions and cradle Roseanne's head against her chest. The offer was exactly what her body needed, but she wanted to unburden her heart first so that sleep would not be so hard to do anymore. "Hmm, maybe later. C'mon, babe, ask it."

"Ask what?" Roseanne shifted her head to look up at Lisa, whose heavily lidded eyes stared out the door.

Lisa stirred slightly. "What did I say to Ae... What the hell was I thinking going there?" The second she asked those questions; she felt a bit scared for Roseanne to hear her real answers.

Giving Lisa's chest some gentle rubs, Roseanne drew a deep breath. At that point, she decided to stop asking Lisa why and cared more about how the rash act made Lisa feel. "I just hope that's the last time you do that because it's not worth it, baby. They're always going to hurt you, and it's something that I was blinded for long..." Chuckling lightly, she reached for Lisa's hand and curled the back of her hand against Lisa's, interlacing their fingers. "I don't know—didn't know why I was trying so hard to be close, to be liked, by the people who were only going to hurt me. But you won't find your worth there."

Tightening her embrace of Roseanne, Lisa planted a deep kiss on Roseanne's rose-scented head. It worked like magic, being in that space with her love. Feeling infinite and vulnerable at the same time, but always a little less angry and a bit happier than ordinary.

"And I don't want you getting hurt anymore," Roseanne added, running her thumb on Lisa's thumb soothingly.

"Yeah," Lisa said in a hoarse voice that felt weak, yet safe to just admit that it was the kind of battle she no longer needed to fight. "It felt kinda tiring now when they're always going to push me out. But I... I wanted to claim the truth and just... put them in their place," she said, inhaling slowly through her pursed lips. "You know, I was... I was hoping dad would do more for me, but it wasn't the right place and time."

"Yeah... Your dad's probably just... overwhelmed. He loves you. I know he does." Roseanne nodded at her statement. "You were right. The current situation may not be ideal, but he just... sometimes, I think, he struggles to... you know."

"Choose me over that family?" Bitterly, Lisa laughed. "Yeah. Story of my life."

Roseanne sat up, placing her left palm flat on Lisa's chest. "Don't say that. It's not true. Even if it were, things change. People change. But you have to understand that sometimes, people can't choose." It scratched her heart with the guilt, but it no longer kept her shackled when, earlier, she was able to make the right choice. And she was one with it. "At least, not when they're ready, or forced."

"Did I force you to...?" Lisa still needed reassurance.

A gentle and patient smile formed on Roseanne's lips. She dove in and surprised Lisa with a full, wholehearted kiss. Pulling back, the smile was back on her lips as if it had never left for that brief, intimate moment of declaration. "No. I missed my chance the first time because I got scared of... just what Suzy would do to you.But when I saw you crying like that... Everything in me naturally wanted to comfort you. My heart breaks seeing you hurt."