Just As I Am

Three

"Admire someone else's beauty without questioning your own"

I did not speak to Dad during the journey. I was giving him the silent treatment and he knew it. I was just so  mad at him! Before I knew it, we had arrived. This was the place I would call home for a short time. It was only temporary. The house was not as empty as I though it would be. I was surprised. I guess Dad had begun moving the things into the house earlier. I went up to my room and plopped on my bed. I was too tired to pack my clothes. I fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

Morning came too fast. I felt as if I had slept for only a few seconds. Groggily, I got up, knowing that there was a lot of unpacking to do. After doing my morning things, I started unpacking my clothes and went back to the sitting room to help Dad unpack the other boxes. I felt very tired and so went to the bedroom and fell asleep. Some hours later, when I woke up, I heard Dad knocking on my door. I got up and opened the door.

"Our next-door neighbours have invited us over for dinner", Dad told me.

"Okay. I'll go dress up", I said and started to close the door.

"Wait. Karen, behave well. I know you're not exactly thrilled about this move but please behave", Dad added.

"Okay, Dad", I said before leaving to dress up.

I picked a flower-print knee-length dress and accessorized it with black wedges and my favourite bracelet. I did not want to go to our neighbour's house but it had been such a long time I had eaten home-made food so I just decided to go.

Dad and I just walked to the next-door neighbour's house. We soon arrived and I could tell dinner was going to be delicious. Dad knocked on the door and a middle-aged man with black hair opened the door. Dad introduced me to him as Ian. We both entered the sitting room. Dad chatted with Ian and a middle-aged woman, whom I guessed was Ian's wife like they were old friends. I just buried my head into my phone and waited for all this to end.

Soon enough, it was time for dinner. We all sat at the table including a 4-year old boy and a 7-year old girl. After the grace was said, everyone dug into their food. Well, everyone except me. I picked at my food, trying to control myself. I shouldn't be thinking of her, I told myself. When the tears threatened to fall from my eyes, I excused myself and just ran outside. I didn't know where I was going but I saw some wooden chairs placed on the porch.

I sat on one of them and just burst into tears. Why was I so emotional? What was wrong with me? I should have gotten over this a long time ago.

"Karen. I told you to behave. Why did you run off like that?" Dad's voice broke my train of thoughts.

I didn't answer him but looked at my bracelet.

"Karen. I thought you would have been over it by now", Dad said.

"I know. It's been four years", I told Dad, still looking at the bracelet..

I buried my face into Dad's shoulder and burst into tears once again, staining his shirt with my tears. Dad patted my back, trying to comfort me.

"Do you think you need to see the shrink again?" Dad asked me.

I shook my head. I hated all those times I spent with the shrink.

"We could leave if you want", Dad said.

"No. I don't want to ruin everything . I'll pull myself together", I told Dad, trying to convince him to stay.

"You sound so much like your mother", Dad said, looking at me admiringly.

We went back into the dining room and the rest of dinner passed by uneventfully. Ian and his wife, Cathy tried to make conversation with me. I kept to myself the whole time.

We soon arrived at home and I went to my bedroom and soon fell asleep, very exhausted.