Just As I Am

Twenty Nine

In a few weeks, I was discharged and released from the hospital. I was very surprised when I was bombarded by paparazzi as soon as I stepped outside the hospital. I learned later that the "incident" became a major news item. I went back to school, things didn't really go back to normal. I still had my issues but I was open to a friendship with Paula and she helped me through my issues.

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"OMG! Now she's a drug addict", Lindsey said as she read the school newspaper.

"Let me see that!" Melissa said and grabbed the newspaper from Lindsey.

Paula had heard their conversation and was utterly disgusted.

"You guys are so....ugh! Don't you even have pity on her?" Paula exclaimed.

"What we say is none of your business", Melissa said.

"She was sick, okay? She was in a coma and....you don't even care".

"Whatever".

"I'm leaving", Paula said and left.

Melissa watched Paula's retreating back in amazement. How dare Paula talk to her like that? She and Paula had a history together. She had bullied Paula and she had the guts to report her to the school authorities. She didn't have enough evidence so Melissa was suspended for one week. Ever since then, Melissa had hated Paula and she still did.

I reluctantly entered into the church building. Paula's persistence had made me come here. She had invited me over and over again and I was tired of her asking so I just decided to come. Paula was holding my hand tightly; maybe to make sure I didn't run away.

We sat together and the praise and worship session began. I sat there, taking in the scenery around me. I kept looking at the door, thinking of a way. I could bolt out of here. I sat down, unsure of what to do.

"God, if you're there, please, please take the guilt that is weighing on me away", I prayed silently.

Soon enough, it was time for the sermon. The pastor introduced himself as Pastor Eugene.

"Today's sermon is titled 'You Never Are' ", Pastor Eugene said.

There were murmurs from some people in the church.

"You are never too far from God. Let's pray. Dear Heavenly Father, we have come before your presence today. We commit ourselves into your hands that as your Word comes this morning, minister and speak to us through your Word this morning. Speak through me to your people. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen".

"The main scripture is taken from Luke 15:11-32. I'm sure we're all familiar with the story of The Prodigal Son. Well, it's a parable that Jesus taught. It's a story about a father who had two sons and the younger one wanted his share of his father's property. His father gave it to him and he travelled to a far country and wastefully spent all his money. He got a job from a citizen of the country to feed his pigs. He was so hungry that he wanted to eat the food that he was feeding to the pigs. Realisation dawned on him and he wanted to go back to his father's house because he knew that even his father's servants were eating better than him. So, he started his journey home. While he was still a long way off, his father saw him and ran to meet his son and was glad to see him. The father was so happy that he threw a huge party for him".

"Let's be real here. We've made mistakes and followed our own paths instead of God's path. Everytime we stray away from God's path, we should always remember to run to him and not run from him because he is waiting with open arms to accept us. The prodigal son thought that he was too far from his father and that he had sinned so much that his father wouldn't accept him, but he did. That is the same with our Heavenly Father. Maybe today, you're like the prodigal son. You've run away from God but He wants you to run to Him. He's waiting with open arms to accept you. I want you to take a bold step of faith and just walk forward today if you want to come back home and accept Jesus Christ".

At this moment, I was weeping uncontrollably. I knew I was supposed to walk forward. I had run from God for too long and I knew I had to run to him. The song "Run To Jesus" popped in my head. I felt a comforting arm wrap around me. It was Paula.

"Do you want to go forward?" she asked.

I only nodded.

"I'll go with you", Paula said and took my hand in hers.

We walked forward, still holding hands. I half-expected murmurs and grumbles but to my surprise, everyone clapped.

"I have decided to follow Jesus. I have decided to follow Jesus. No turning back. No turning back", the choir sang.

Then and there, I knew I had made the right decision and there was no turning back.