Just As I Am

Twenty Six

"Do you need help?" Paula asked me.

I looked up from my work but didn't respond. What did she want now? When I looked up again, Paula wasn't there. Good, she's gone. I heard a noise. I looked behind me and saw Paula cleaning up. Why was she helping me? I ignored her and continued cleaning. 

I hadn't seen the damage those three had caused because I was outside and it was late but now, I could see the damage caused. Broken windows, broken chairs and tables and walls spray painted was the scene I saw when I walked in some of the classrooms in the school. The damage caused was a lot and I guess the school didn't want to employ anyone to fix it.

What I didn't understand was why they were allowed to go scott-free. They were the people who actually committed the crime. They deserved to be punished, not me. I guess that this is the end of our friendship because we aren't speaking to each other anymore. I had failed at everything. I tried to do and I didn't understand why.

"It's getting late. You can leave and I'll finish up here", Paula said, snapping me out of my reverie.

"I'll not leave. I'll stay here and finish up", I told her and went back to cleaning up.

I didn't understand why Paula was helping me. Maybe, she wanted to finish the punishment and tell everyone that I didn't do my work. No, I won't allow that to happen. Why was she so nice to me? She was just too nice. No one's that nice unless they're after something. What does she want from me?

Soon enough, we were done for the day. As Paula turned to leave, I grabbed her by the hand so that she would face me.

"Why did you help me?" I asked her.

"I wanted to", Paula replied simply.

"You weren't even punished", I said, still confused.

"I just wanted to help. I thought you needed a hand", Paula said and left, leaving me staring at her with my jaw wide open. She was just too complicated. 

Over the next few weeks, Paula helped me clean the mess up and we were soon finished. She didn't ask any questions about the vandalism but was ready and willing to help me. I kept to myself once again. I had no idea where my life was going, it's like I just merely existed.

Writing in a diary was one of the ways my therapist told me to deal with the death of my mum. I thought it was old-fashioned and was too lazy to write in it. It didn't help at all. Maybe writing in a diary was not for me. I frantically searched in my room, through my clothes and in my bag but couldn't find my diary! I didn't write much in it but it was so precious to me. I couldn't afford to lose it! I knew exactly who had taken it.

"Melissa, give me back my diary", I said, putting my hands on my hips, showing I was serious.

"Your diary? Why would I take your stupid diary?" Melissa asked me.

"You're wasting my time. Just give it back".

"You were careless so you have to pay a price for it".

"What do I need to do?' I asked,  exasperated.

"Well, there's a party at my house and we need a server".

"Fine but you have to give it back".

"I will".

Melissa didn't give me the diary after I served at the party. She made me do more work for her and her clique. It included carrying her bag and books, doing her assignments and serving at parties. I hated doing it, but I couldn't let Melissa tell all my secrets that were kept in my diary.