Just As I Am

Twenty

I knew that I was not going to school today. How could I? I felt horrible and looked horrible. I was pale, I felt weak and dizzy. Maybe a little sleep would help me.

"Karen! You're going to be late for school!" Dad called out from downstairs.

"Coming!" I shouted and made my way downstairs.

"Karen, you have to go to school today and...." Dad said, but stopped when he saw me.

I guess I really did look sick.

"Okay. Change of plans. I'm taking you to the hospital", Dad said.

It seemed like forever as I sat down on the black leather chair with Dad sitting beside me. Finally, my name was called and soon we were in the doctor's office.

"Well, Karen is severely dehydrated, has a ruptured oesophagus, has a severe case of malnutritionand is extremely fatigued and weak. I believe she also has an eating disorder", the doctor said, addressing my dad and not me.

"Eating disorder?" Dad asked in disbelief.

"Yes. I recommed that she eats a lot, drinks a lot of water and other fluids and she gets a lot of sleep. Here are the drugs I prescribed for her", the doctor said.

Dad thanked him and I mumbled a thank you before we left.

"What are those?" Dad asked when we sat in the car, pointing towards my arm.

Shoot. I had rolled up my long sleeves while I was taking the blood test and I had forgotten to pull them down. I chose that moment to take a magazine I found in the car and pretended to read it.

When we finally arrived home, I immediately headed towards my bedroom so I could evade the questions I knew my dad would throw at me.

"Karen. You need to eat something", Dad said, stopping me in my tracks.

I didn't say anything but sat down and waited. Soon enough, Dad was done and handed me a plate of mashed potatoes. I took the plate and made my way towards the bedroom but Dad stopped me - again.

"Are you going to eat that in your bedroom?" Dad asked me.

I nodded.

"How will I know you're not going to...uh.....you know, do anything?" Dad said.

"So you want me to eat in front of you? I can do that", I told him.

"No, Karen. I want us to have dinner together".

"Wow. Yesterday you had the opportunity to have dinner with me but you didn't and now you want to have dinner with me. You're such a hypocrite, Dad. The only time you seem to care about me is when I'm sick or something bad has happened to me".

"Karen....you know that's not true".

"I"m sick and tired of you behaving that way".

"But we have a lot to talk about".

"I don't want to talk about it".

"But we talk about everything. Why has that changed now?"

"We talked about everything, Dad. That was years ago and that has changed because you never have time for me", I said and stormed off to my bedroom.

Fortunately, I had finished eating dinner so I couldn't be forced to eat dinner with Dad. I knew that he wanted us to reconcile but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. That was what he always did. He always had his way and before long, he would refuse to spend time with me. I wasn't going to let that happen this time around.