Just As I Am

Sixteen

Father's Day. I knew Dad couldn't refuse her offer. I couldn't really do anything on Mother's Day because my mum was gone but today was Father's Day. Dad had agreed to spend time with me on my birthday so why would he pass another opportunity like that on Father's Day?

I knocked on the door and quietly opened it when Dad told me that I should enter. He was busy as usual. There was a pile of books on his table and his laptop was on his desk. A coffee mug was right next to it, indicating that he would stay up all night. I had a feeling that this was not the right moment. Still, it was Father's Day. It was just the right moment.

"Hey, Dad", I greeted.

"Karen, what do you want? I'm busy", Dad said.

He didn't even greet me. He rarely did.

"Since today is Father's Day, I was wondering if we could go to this restaurant. I made dinner reservations for both of us", I said.

"Karen. I really wish I could go, but I can't right now. I'm very busy".

"You were able to spend time with me on Father's Day. Why can't you do the same on Father's Day?"

"Honey, I'm sorry but I can't go. I'm too busy. Can't you go with any of your friends?"

"I work my tail off to save money to buy the reservations and all you can tell me is that I should go with any of my friends? Do you know how difficult it was getting these reservations? Dad, I have no friends. No friends at all".

"Honey, I didn't know that".

"You wouldn't know anyway because you're always so busy with work. You never have time for me".

"Honey, I'm sorry but this is really important. I wish you would understand me".

"I don't understand, Dad. On my birthday, you spent time with me but you don't want to spend time with me on Father's Day. It just doesn't make any sense to me".

"Honey, I'm really busy today. I'm sorry".

"You know what, Dad? You've changed ever since Mum died. You're always working. Always! You don't even take a break and you don't have time for me. This move was all about uou, Dad, wasn't it? You didn't even ask for my opinion, Dad. You never do. You just decided to whisk me away and, and -"

"Karen!" Dad bellowed.

I might have gotten carried away because Dad only shouts when he is angry. I knew this was bad but I couldn't keep quiet about this any longer. I had to speak out.

"Karen! Stop it, okay? Just stop it. You can go with Paula if you don't have anyone to go with".

"Dad, don't you get it? I want to spend time with you and not with any other person. It's Father's Day, for crying out loud! Dad, for once, please -".

"Karen! I said stop it! I am busy and nothing you say or do will change my mind".

"No, Dad. I have to talk. You never spend time with me. For once, just put your work aside and -"

I was cut off when Dad's large palm came into contact with my face. That was totally unexpected. Dad had never laid his hand on me before. Well, there's a first for everything, I couldn't believe this.

"Karen, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for that to happen", Dad said, reaching out to touch my throbbing cheek.

"Don't touch me. I hate you, Dad! I hate you! You are not the dad I know. You've changed so much. Now you've turned into a monster!" I said, heading for my room.

I threw myself onto the bed and wept. That didn't go the way I had planned it to. I had expected Dad to be happy that I had made dinner reservations for both of us but it was totally the opposite, Looking at the reservations that were still in my hand, I threw them on the floor. I wouldn't need them any more.