Just As I Am

Four

"Don't try to be someone else. That's just wasting time. God has given you a beautiful and awesome personality and person to be."  

V.Rose

I looked at myself in the mirror. No. This is not it. I had tried on quite a number of outfits earlier on, looking for the perfect new-school- year-outfit. I finally settled on a green tank top with a denim miniskirt and black leggings. I also wore my favourite pair of black flat shoes. My bracelet was always on my hand and I never took it off.

Even though I could never straighten my curly hair, I tried to make it look presentable. I looked at myself in the mirror one more time before rushing to the kitchen. I hurriedly took my breakfast of coffee and toast before saying goodbye to Dad and rushing out of the house.

I was already running late. The bus finally arrived at the bus stop and I entered. I heard murmurs from all around me and people were looking at me strangely. I just ignored all of them and buried my face in a book. Soon enough, the bus stopped in front of the school. Eastfield High School. I didn't even bother to take in my surroundings. The scene I saw was the usual one. I sighed. Everyone was doing one thing or the other. Nobody bothered to say anything to me.

I guess I'll just have to find my way around, I concluded. I tried to find my way to the school office. I came across the restroom. No. I opened another door. This time it was a classroom. I left the classroom. On my way out, I bumped into someone. I bent down to pick up the books that had fallen down.

"I am so sorry!" I said.

"You don't need to apologize. That happens to me a lot. Anyways I'm Paula Goldfield". the brown-haired girl told me.

"I'm Karen Waldman", I said shaking hands with Paula.

Paula took a good look of my face and her eyes were filled with shock and surprise.

"Esther? I'm sorry Karen. You really look like Esther", Paula said, looking at me strangely".

"Who's Esther?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, never mind that. I was just thinking aloud. Let me show you to the school office", Paula said, changing the subject.

Paula led me to the school office and soon enough, my timetable was given to me. Paula and I had many classes together and she showed me around.

As I walked down the hallway, a blonde-haired girl called me. I was surprised she knew my name. She was surrounded by a redhead and a girl whose hair was dyed blue. I heard bits and pieces of their conversation. I wish I had brought my hearing aid so that I could hear more clearly. The blonde-haired girl outstretched her hand.

"Hey. I'm Melissa" she said.

She introduced me to the other girls. The redhead was Lindsey and the girl whose hair was dyed blue was Nicole.

"Hi. I'm Karen", I said.

"I already know your name" Melissa told me.

Melissa eyed me and looked me up and down. This is when I realized we were wearing a similar outfit.

"This is a coincidence! I can't believe we're wearing the same outfit! Now I have to go and change this!" Melissa said, disgusted.

She went on and on about how I should never wear the same outfit she's wearing and blah blah blah . I didn't listen to what she said. I sighed. It was only the first day of school and I was already hating this place.

    The big, yellow bus stopped at the bus stop. I got down and after walking for a few minutes, arrived at home. Dad was already home. I dropped my school bag on the couch and sat down.

"How was school?" Dad asked me.

"Fine, I guess", I answered.

"Did you make any new friends?" Dad asked again.

"No", I replied.

I didn't consider Paula as a friend. I saw her sitting in the he cafeteria with her other "nerdy" friends. No offense but I wanted to be noticed and I knee that being associated would not get me anywhere.

I looked at my bracelet and immediately, thoughts of Mum filled my mind. I couldn't help that everything would be so different if only Mum was still here. Why did she have to leave so early? Tears dropped on the page of my notebook. I closed it. I hated it when I felt like this. I thought I was over this. Maybe Dad was right, I needed to see a shrink.