Just As I Am

Thirteen

Recently, Dad and I have been having a lot of arguments. We would argue over silly things such as what we would eat for lunch, what TV show we should watch and what clothes I should wear. I don't know what had sparked these arguments. I began spending less and less time at home and more and I poured out my heart to him and he always listened. As we were chatting one time, Ethan suggested that we should go to a party. I really didn't want to go but Ethan persuaded me to go.

I quickly got dressed and put on light make-up. Ethan soon arrived to pick me up and we finally arrived at our destination. Ethan spent most of his time chatting with his friends. A few people tried to make small talk with me but I kept to myself most of the time. I tapped away on my phone. I didn't have as much fun as I wanted to. I was very bored so I convinced Ethan to send me home. As I was in the car, I felt very drowsy. The last thing I remembered was falling asleep in Ethan's arms.

My eyelids fluttered open as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I got up groggily and flicked the switched on. Light filled the whole room. I saw Ethan lying on my bed. What in the world was Ethan doing in my bed? Maybe I was hallucinating. Or maybe this was a dream. When I go back to bed, this would be all over. As I was on my way to my bed, Ethan woke up.

"Ethan, what are you doing here?" I asked him.

He didn't answer me but started dressing up.

This is when I realised that Ethan was in his underwear. I was so confused. I sat on the bed, trying to clear my thoughts. The last thing I remembered doing was falling asleep in Ethan's arms. Finally, I put two and two together and and realisation dawned on me. Ethan had drugged me and then had his way with me when I was unconscious. This was the only explanation for all this and I was sure my theory was correct. I couldn't believe this. I looked back at Ethan and he had already finished dressing up. He was making his way out. I wouldn't let him get away this easily.

Without thinking, I grabbed a pillow and hurled it at Ethan. He ignored me and continued making his way out of the room. 

"Ethan! You're a jerk!" I called out but he didn't hear me.

I went back to my bedroom and sobbed into my pillow. I felt used like a rag. I felt that I was useless and no one cared about me anymore. My dad didn't even want me. He didn't care about me. He never did.

I had skipped school for too long. Three days was enough. I knew that the teachers would be worried sick about me. I forced myself out of bed and did my morning things. I soon arrived at school. Apparently, no one had missed me.

During the school day, I heard rumours about what had happened between me and Ethan. He told everyone that I was the one who seduced him. What a jerk! He couldn't even bring himself to tell the truth. I didn't bother to tell them the truth because I knew that they wouldn't believe me. They were so busy calling me a slut and pointing accusing fingers at me. Well, I guess everything between me and Ethan was over.

I had also learned that Ethan had made a bet with his friends that Ethan had made a bet with his group of friends that he could get me, the pastor's daughter, to sleep with him. I couldn't believe that I was used as a bet. Obviously, Ethan had won the bet and my reputation had slidden down the drain.

My homework had piled up. I should have known this was coming. After all, I had missed three days of school. The bell rang and I almost ran out of class. I was so excited that school had finally closed. It felt like forever.

On my way to the parking lot, I met Melissa and her clique. They built a kind of wall around me and I couldn't get past them.

"Please excuse me", I said.

What was Melissa's deal?

"We need to talk, Karen", Melissa said.

I rolled my eyes at her.

"Let's go outside", I said.

"No. We'll talk right here. Right now".

"Okay".

"So. I heard about you and Ethan. I didn't expect a pastor's daughter to be a slut but you are full of surprises. Before I know it, you would have had a go at all the boys in the school. Won't you say anything?"

"I have nothing to say, Melissa".

"I had my eyes on him, Karen".

"I didn't know that".

"You liar! You knew. Everyone knew but you still went ahead and did what you wanted with him and now he has left you. You deserve it!" Melissa yelled at me, coming closer to me.

I was surprised when her fist came into contact with my face. I wasn't expecting that.

"You're a loser. No one likes you and Ethan never cared about you! No one cares about you!"

As Melissa was saying these things, I felt more jabs in different parts of my body. Wow. Melissa was so much stronger than she looked. I tried to fight back but I couldn't. I didn't have enough strength. Melissa flung me at the locker nearby. Her foot came into contact with my abdomen. The fact that she was wearing high heels made the situation worse. I tried to get up but Melissa grabbed me by my hair and flung me again at the locker. My head came into contact with the cold metal and I passed out.

"Karen. Karen, wake up", a female voice said.

It took me a while to realise that the female voice belonged to Paula.

"What happened?" I asked her.

"You passed out. Melissa....." Paula started to say, but I cut her off.

"I know what happened", I said and tried to get up but I couldn't. I felt so weak.

I looked at my surroundings and realised that I was in the school infirmary. The nurse soon came in and dressed my wounds. She gave me some medications and told me to sleep. She didn't have to tell me twice. My eyelids felt heavy and soon I fell asleep.

When I finally woke up, I found Paula sitting at my bedside. What was she doing here?

"I need to call my dad", I said, reaching for my school bag.

"Don't worry. I've already done that".

I was alarmed. I hoped that she didn't tell him what had happened.

"Don't worry. I didn't tell him what happened. I just told him that you were in the infirmary", Paula said with a slight chuckle. I guess she had noticed the alarm on my face.

I sighed and relief washed over me when she said that. I got up from the bed. I finally had enough strength to leave.

"I need to go now", I said.

"Wait", Paula said, grabbing my hand.

I turned to face towards her.

"I've been bullied before, Karen. I can help you".

"I don't need or want your help, Paula. Just let go of me!" I said and ran outside and juped into my car and drove off.

As soon as I arrived home, I plopped myself on the bed. I let the tears pour out from my face and cried myself to sleep, something that I was getting used to.