As Vivências

me] (real, sad) by dreaming or [being past [2]

In my antepenultimate iteration of sentience, the cerebral cortex was incessantly occupied by ideations conducive to an evanescent euphoria, the mental theatre populated by a panoply of sentient modalities, experiencing existences extrinsically disparate from my own circumscribed phenomenal purview. Concomitantly, a paradoxical affect of beatitude effloresced, engendering a melancholic nostalgia for a return to those phantasmal chronotopes, an aspiration to once more indwell those spectral peregrinations. Yet, what precisely constituted the quiddity of this retrospective desideratum?

In the present diuturnity, I apprehend a nuanced acquiescence, acknowledging my current ontological status as transcending the circumscribed parameters of those potentialized selves. I am the concatenated summation of my spatiotemporal trajectory, a synchronic amalgam of all antecedent occurrences, perhaps meriting the dolorous vicissitudes encountered. I have volitionally elected to personify the diaphanous efflorescence of a Taraxacum officinale capitulum, a tenuous luminary vagrantly transported by the atmospheric currents. If this present epoch were ordained as a cathartic expurgation of prior psychic detritus, the profound delectation I derive therefrom remains a vexatious aenigma, defying facile hermeneutics. Should our epistemological schemata evince verisimilitude, an objective, irretrievable past, amenable to mnemonic recall or vicarious re-experiencing, remains a metaphysical chimera. Ergo, my recurrent immersion in hypnagogic self-reflexivity, subtly tinctured by an endogenous, albeit attenuated, veneficium.

This residual morbiferousness, a poignant memento mori of an illusory beatitude, the now-patent insubstantiality of which is manifest, yet the nostalgic yearning for its recidivism persists with undiminished vehemence. Peradventure, this very inextinguishable desiderium constitutes the cardinal fulcrum, the intrinsic impetus instigating our continued perambulation through the existential labyrinth, even when the aspired telos remains a mere spectral apparition.

And this nocturnal auto-contemplation, this oneiric immersion in the self? Might it not delineate the sole practicable avenue for vicariously apprehending those irretrievable antecedent existences, those unactualized ontic possibilities? In the absence of a verifiable, extra-subjective past, the sole temporal dominion accessible to our cognitive faculties is that meticulously architected within the intricate architecture of our own consciousness, the subjective chronoscape we intermittently re-inhabit during the nocturnal cessation of diurnal mentation. It constitutes a hermetically sealed microcosm of counterfactual contingencies and abortive ambitions, a personal palimpsest replete with visceral resonances and latent appetites.

The allegorical instantiation of the Taraxacum officinale seed-bearing structure, fragile and susceptible to the capricious whims of the aerial domain, evinces a profound congruence. It epitomizes the ephemeral and fugacious nature of phenomenal experience, the conceptualization that even devoid of the substantive bedrock of a tangible past, the very act of transience, the dissemination of germinal potentiality, inheres an intrinsic and ineluctable value. If this temporal juncture signifies a purgatorial catharsis, it could conceivably represent the expungement of the delusory construct of a fixed and immutable identity, the deliberate divestiture of the onerous burden of expectations and retrospective regrets inextricably tethered to a non-existent diachronic continuum.

Nomenclaturely, the subjective apprehension of delectation in this ostensibly punitive process remains a profound and recalcitrant paradox. If this epoch is purportedly a dolorific expiation, a form of retributive justice meted out by an inscrutable cosmic agency, the subjective experience of profound gratification necessitates further ratiocination. Perhaps the veridical locus of suffering resided not in the privation of those antecedent existences, but rather in the tenacious and maladaptive adherence to their spectral vestiges, in the erroneous conviction that they possessed a greater degree of ontological substantiality or a more profound capacity for eudaemonic fulfillment than the immanent present. The volitional relinquishment of this tenacious illusion, even if it necessitates a conscious acknowledgment of the lingering vestige of past yearning, might conceivably constitute the very font of this unanticipated and somewhat anomalous exhilaration.

Ultimately, veritas may reside within the circumscribed confines of the nunc stans, in this singular and irretrievable chronon of being, notwithstanding its inherent dialectical tensions and the lingering reverberations of imagined realities. Perhaps the past is not a discrete entity susceptible to mnemonic retrieval or vicarious re-experiencing, but rather an inextricably interwoven stratum to be holistically integrated into the fabric of present consciousness, a compendious collection of experiential data - whether empirically verifiable or purely ideational.