Pain (L.H)

Empty

I was suppose to be most blissful person on Earth.

I was suppose to make a fresh start when I escaped.

I was suppose to have high hopes of never seeing my father again but knowing he's out there with an army of men possibly wanting to kill me doesn't make my emotional state any better.

I pray to the lord that everything will be okay. That I will at least find something good in my sorrowful life.

What will my mother say now?

Is she watching over me?

Is her spirit walking along with me every step of the way?

Is she hearing my pleas and cries and begging the lord to save me himself.

I stare out into the distance. The city lights glimmered. Portland was one of the most beautiful views at night, especially from Ashtons house. I stare at the full moon, uncovering itself from the dark clouds of the night, shining its delicate light to guide everything living on Earth.

I wished it would guide me. Guide me away from this mess, away from the dull thoughts in my head. I rest my chin on my head, letting a single tear drip from my sapphire eye. I didn't understand what I did to deserve this. I was a good child, always wanted to do everything perfect. I tried, I really did, but I guess having a good life wasn't made for me.

I swallowed as I heard Michael and Luke shouting from downstairs. They have been continuously arguing over things so small for the past week. The pressure of keeping everyone safe and alive must be slowly driving them mad.

Another two guys from gang unknown had agreed to stay at Ashton's. Zac and Jake.

Jake was an extremely bubbly guy. Always liked to make a laugh out of every situation. The optimist.

Zac was the complete opposite. The pessimist. I could tell he's been through a lot. I can't see why anyone couldn't. Multiple scars formed on his neck and forehead along with massive scab that had formed on his cheek. Zac is a true survivor.

Seven members. Seven members in gang Unknown and the numbers will only decrease. All I can do is hope that we will all cooperate and fight through this, that we won't fall apart and break away.

The wooden door behind me creaked as it opened. I snapped my head around to see Luke standing in the doorway, scratching the back of his neck.

"Hey" he says.

"Hey" I reply.

A silence took place. Luke quickly broke it.

"How are you holding up?" He asked.

I shrugged and my orbs fell upon the floor. Luke shut th door and sat on the edge of the bed. It dipped down slightly.

"I'm really glad Luke" I say looking up at him, tears filling my eyes "I really am but I don't know why I feel empty."

I dropped to my knees and sobbed. Luke looked around as if he didn't know how to comfort a broken person. He was like this when I had my panic attack. He slowly came over to my side and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his chest.

He rocked me back and forth as if I was child calming me down a little. He sighed and opened his mouth, his soothing voice drowning my weeps.

"Don't talk, let me think it over,
How we gonna fix this?
How we gonna undo all the pain?
Tell me, is it even worth it?
Looking through a straight line,
Taking back the time we can't replace...."

I felt as if all my emotions had drifted away by hearing the sound of Luke's voice. I felt empty but I was eager to feel something. I felt sick but I felt better than before, as if I was stronger.

"All the crossed wires, just making us tired,
Is it too late to bring us back to life?" 

Tears stopped their flow, drying on my cheeks.

"When I close my eyes and try to asleep,
I fall apart and find it hard to breath,
Your the reason, the only reason,
Even though my dizzy head is dumb,
I swear my heart is never giving up,
Your the reason, the only reason."

He stopped. I held my breath wanting to hear more.

"You better?" He asked.

I nod, scooting away from him "thanks."

I couldn't understand Luke at times. He was tough but yet so fragile. At some stages I thought his anger was uncontrollable, I learned that he had high anger issues. Michael was the one that could possibly calm him down and slap some sense into him  even though they do fight....a lot.

Calum and Ashton were both great guys. They shared the same personality trait as Jake and Zac.

"Do you feel safe yet?" Asked Luke

I shrugged "anywhere where I am away from my father is what I consider a safe place."

Luke nods "I'm glad you feel that way."

Glad.

Glad is what I was suppose to be feeling. I did feel glad that I was away from home but I wasn't fully glad. I almost felt guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty of leaving my father alone.

I shouldn't be. But I was. After all he was only scared of losing me the way he lost my mother.

But that shouldn't give him an excuse to beat me. I resisted the urge to feel guilty and drowned that emotion out so I was back to feeling, well, empty.

Empty is what I felt.