Pain (L.H)

The Ocean And The Sky

I was sick of crying.

Sick of feeling unworthy.

Sick of thinking negative thoughts.

Sick. Sick is what I feel.

Tears start falling down my cheeks, again. By this point I was used to it so I didn't feel them roll down until salty liquid drips on the top of my lip. I sobbed in my hands, ruining all the makeup on my face. I honestly don't know why I bother to cover the scars. They'll always be there. My nose is blocked, my eyes sting and are bloodshot, my lungs seem like they are suffocating with every breath I take.

If a person is crying, that means on the inside they are dying.

I'm dying on the inside, slowly.

Suddenly a figure made its way into the laundry and sat next to me. He tucked his knees into his chest. I glanced to my side then sighed, facing forward onto the blank wall. Luke's gaze burned on the side of my tear stained face. He trailed his eyes over the lines of mascara on my cheeks. I wanted him to kindly piss off but I couldn't say tell him to go. Not after all he's done for me.

"Hi Luke" I say in the politest way I possibly could.

"Hi" says Luke. His gaze leaves my face and he stares at the blank wall.

We stayed in a comfortable silence, starring the wall. I glanced over to Luke again. He didn't look at me, he just continued to stare at the wall. I could practically see the gears turning in his brain, thinking of what to say. I can't lie, I enjoy his company. He's so thoughtful of others and takes their opinions and well being into consideration. My mind wandered back to when we shared an embrace countless of times. My eyes fall upon the floor at the thought. No one ever hugged me like that.

"I see the ocean" he finally says.

"What?" I say, highly confused.

"I see the ocean" he repeats

"I don't understand" I say.

"Look at the wall" he instructs. I obediently do so. "Do you see it?"

I shook my head "All I see is a blank wall Luke, I don't know what you are talking about."

Luke sighs and shook his head "well this is going to be harder than I thought" he says, running a hand down his face.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I believe you lost your sense of imagination Miss Jazmine."

"I lost that years ago, Luke" I reply "you'd be the same if you lived the life I did."

"Well it's about time you find it then" says Luke.

Another thing. Luke is always up for a challenge.

"That would take forever"

"Actually it would only take about five minutes"

"Whatever you say Luke, whatever you say."

"What makes you happy?" he asked.

I thought about it for a few seconds. Nothing had made me happy in my life. I guess mum is an exception though. She made me happy. Then again, she was gone. It seemed that she was never a part of my life.

"The sky" I finally said.

I didn't really think about it. The words just slipped out. I didn't even know that I liked the sky myself. My mind said the answer for me. The sky was the only answer, the sky is where birds can fly free.

Being free is what I always wanted. The sky is just the place for that.

"Okay, focus your attention on one spot on the wall" he says

"I have been doing that for the past thirty minutes Luke"

Luke chuckles "sorry" he says "okay, do you see the colour of the sky?" he asks

"I know what the colour is, I don't need to visualize it" I say

"That's the whole point" says Luke "think of another colour the sky would be then."

I sigh, still focusing my gaze on the wall. A few bugs flew on it, capturing my attention. I made a face of disgust.

"Luke this isn't working"

"Just keep trying."

Suddenly the white disappeared and a baby pink colour was seen on the wall, mixed with lilac purple. A small gasp flew from my mouth. White clouds faded in slowly, almost looking like mist covering small spots in the sky. A light breeze brushed against my face, drying my tears. Blue birds flew past me, tweeting a sweet melody from their beaks. It was music to my ears. My mouth formed a small smile. Smiling, that's something I haven't done in while. In that moment, everything was okay. All I ever wanted was to be okay, even for a few seconds.

I finally was.

My small minutes of admiration soon faded as I realized that I was just starring at a blank, white wall, sitting in the laundry room in Jake's place. I focused my gaze at Luke and his blue eyes caught mine, my smile grew wider. Luke chuckled. His eyes never left mine for what seemed like forever.

"And still, with all the scars on your face-" he says, shaking his head "-you still manage to look beautiful, how is it possible?"

Red coloured my cheeks. My eyes fell upon the floor.

"I've never seen you smile so wide" he says

"Me neither" I reply, looking back up to his face.

"You looked like a five year old."

I giggled slightly "yeah, I forgot tell you I am a child" I joked.

At tiny laugh escaped his lips. He moved closer. His knees were still bent and tucked into chest, exactly like mine. Our thighs touched, warmness suddenly invaded my cold legs.

"Do you want me to tell you something else?" he questioned

"What? That you see dolphins too?"

"No" he says, his facial expression was serious "the way I look at the ocean is the way you look at the sky"

I nod my head.

"And the way I look at the sky-" he pauses, shifting a bit. He clears his throat. "The way I look at the sky, is the way I look at you."

The continuous beats that my heart makes suddenly stopped. It felt like I've just seen the sky a million times. I was quick to change the subject. I didn't know what to say.

"How did you do it?" I said, barley above a whisper "you made me smile."

"magic" says Luke "it does wonders."