Pain (L.H)

Take the pain away

I ruffled my hair preparing for a fresh batch of tears to soak my dark, long eyelashes and fall down my cheeks from my sapphire eyes. My blue dress hugged my body perfectly as I sat on my knees. My slightly tanned skin shimmered in the white light coming from outside. I moved the silk curtain and placed my hand on the dusty window. I began to cry. Out of all the things my life could of turned out like it turned out like this.

I was only six when my mother gave her life to save me. There was a massive fire in our old apartment way back in Portland. My father had escaped but my mother and I were still trapped. The paint was peeling off the roof, smoke covered the air, wood was falling from up above, everything was collapsing. Mother knew we both wouldn't make it out alive. The building was about to fall to the ground. Mum ran to a smashed window with me in her hands

"Steven! Steven! " my mother called out to my dad.

"Bridget honey you'll be okay I promise! " he shouted as the firemen broke down the door leading into the building.

Mum looked at me. Fear over took the sparkles in her eyes

"Jazmine" she said gently.

"You promise me no matter what happens you will battle through life with no fear?" she asked.

I didn't understand but of course, like all little kids, I nod.

"Good because I'll be watching over you to make sure you do, okay?" mum said, her voice trembling 

"I love you."

Just as the building was about to fall and burn away in the flames my mother did most heroic thing.

"Steven catch!" She yelled and threw me out the smashed window.

She threw me out of a window.....no mother would ever do that to a child. My mother did.

It was either her or me.

She chose me.

I screamed as I fell.

At that time I wasn't afraid of falling or dying.

I was afraid of losing that one person I loved the most.

The last thing I saw was her sad eyes look at me and her long, dark hair flow behind her as she disappeared inside the falling building. My father managed to catch me and we both cried together.

My mother used to love snow and right in this moment there was a blanket of snow in my front yard. I watch the little droplets fall from the dark, clouded sky and cried a little harder. Mother and I used to always watch the little droplets fall and see what shapes were carved into them. My father used to join as well. My mother loved my father but if she saw him now she would see who he really is.

He's a monster.

An abusive, drunken monster.

He always puts me in this room. Its alcoholic scent makes me feel sick. It is the cellar where he stores all his wine. It is right below the dining room. He also never lets me go out of the house. The furthest I have ever been is at the end of my street. I have never been beyond that point.

"Jaz-mine!" my father's voice slurred as he clumped down the stairs. I could hear his beer bottle smash on the marble stairs and the way he leaned onto the wall for support. He unlocked the door and opened it. I panicked at his presence. I quickly wiped my tears away giving no sign that I was weak. His dark hair was a mess, his eyes were half closed, his face was all sweaty and he stumbled while trying to walk

"Come here" he said as if he was talking to a lost kitten.

I shook my head and backed away. I have suffered this for eleven years. It amazing how I actually survived. He could have killed me but he hasn't. Because I made a promise to my mum on her very last say alive that I will battle through life no matter what it throws at me.

"You wouldn't want me to ruin that pretty face would you?" he asked me. I shook my head.

"But you would ruin it anyway" I mumbled to myself holding my cheek where his hand last made contact with.

He took a beer bottle from his back pocket and threw it at me. I ducked and it hit the brick wall behind me. The alcoholic liquid and glass flung everywhere soaking and cutting me from behind. He took a chance and threw another one hitting my arm. The cold bottle bounced off my arm and broke on my feet making my skin bleed and leaving a bruise on my arm.

"ow!" I say as I move away from the area.

He threw more at me "dad stop!" I shouted as glass and liquid flung at me from all different directions.

"Your disgusting!" he shouts as I try and dodge the flying bottles. Great, he is starting his ranting again.

"your worthless!" he says "life would be easier without you!".

Each word stung as if my heart was slowly cracking "I wish you were never here!" he ranted on "I care less than nothing for you!".

I tripped as he said those seven words and fell on the ground. This gave him more opportunities to throw more bottles "dad stop!!!" I shouted as each peice of glass cut my skin.

"And you know what?" he asked as he grabbed a wine bottle from inside the cellar.

That's when I heard words that I never heard before "your the reason your own mother died!"

Then he extended his arm back gripping the wine bottle as hard as he could and throwing it with so much force. The wine bottle hit me on the side of the head. I screamed and blacked out for a few seconds. Blood surrounded me as I lay on the cold, hard ground unable to move or see.

A few seconds later I woke up and saw my father crying, his head buried in his hands. I lifted myself up on my elbows. I hissed at the pain of the glass cutting my skin. Blood was dripping from the side of my head, on my arms, on my legs and on my feet.

"Your the reason Jazmine" my father weeped "the only reason."

I pulled myself up to my feet hissing at the pain that ran through my body "go upstairs!" he shouted.

I flinched at his tone of voice.

"I dont want to see you" he said.

I ran upstairs I couldn't get away any faster. I ran into my room and took a shower in my bathroom. I let the hot water wash away any glass or alcoholic smell that filled my nose.

I stare blankly at the shower floor, watching water filled with blood hit the floor then run down the mini drain.

This is my  life.

Since I was seven I suffered from this monster. It hurt. Not only did it hurt when I got abused but it hurt that my life couldn't get any better and no one could help me. My father hurt anyone that helped me. My father was a monster and there is no possible way I could change that.

After my shower. I got dressed in my pajamas and secretly walked down stairs and to the spare room.

I still heard my dad weeping on the floor saying "why did you leave Bridget?" that's what he usually does.

I sigh and shake my head. I quietly open the door to grab my phone that was placed in the drawer. My father doesn't remember that I have one. After grabbing my phone I grab my earphones and walk back up to my bedroom.

My father wasn't crying anymore he fell asleep "help me Bridget" he said.

I furrowed my eyebrows and listened to the conversation he had in his sleep "look at what I have become" he said.

I cocked my head to one side "I am hurting our child."

My whole body stood frozen. I blinked a couple of times to see if it was real. My father didn't speak anymore. For a second I thought he realized what he had done. I guess he could never change. Ever.