Pain (L.H)

Magnificent

"Never have, never will" 

My words were honest and true. I never gave up on anything. I have scars to prove it. I stayed in an abusive home for all my life and I never gave up on hope. Hope means one thing; hold on pain ends. 

It does. It hasn't ended fully though. I still cry at the memory of my mother. I guess the pain will end when I forgive myself. I always dwell on the thought of flying out the window when my mother threw me. She chose me to live. Not her. I can never forgive myself for not taking her out the window with me. 

Then those thoughts lead to more thoughts. 

Why did my father catch me?

I assume it was because I reminded him of my mother. I had all her features, her voice and her personality. 

I then ponder on a thought that has never been floating in my over thinkable head. 

How did my mother tolerate my father?

If he was abusive like he is now, did that mean he was abusive before?

Did he hit my mother? 

Is that what she meant by 'keeping peace' ?

"I try to keep peace between mummy and daddy"

She would tell me that over and over again. 

Although at night I never heard screams, in the day I never heard arguing. The chemistry between my parents seemed normal. Unless there was something I didn't know. My eyebrows crinkled at the thought of not knowing. Curiosity eats me alive. Suddenly the light feathery kiss of Luke's lips on palm awakened me from my thoughts. My eyes were still locked on him. 

"Your in deep thought" he murmured. 

"I am" I sighed "just thinking about my mother"

Luke's eyes fell upon the table "I miss mine."

His hand slipped away from mine as he isolated himself with his thoughts. We sat in silence, centimetres away from each other. 

"She must have been beautiful" says Luke 

"What?"

"Your mother, she must have been beautiful"

I cocked my head to the side "she was, but you haven't seen a picture yet so you can't judge"

"I have" says Luke 

"When?"

Luke's hand slipped back into mine "I've seen you."

"She was more magnificent" I say, trying to hide a smile at Luke's compliment. 

"I spoke to my brother's way back when I first visited you" says Luke "they asked me what I thought about you."

I giggled "really?"

"oh yes" says Luke while chuckling "I'm telling you, even though your much younger they are absolutely nuts about you"

I laughed a small laugh "so what did you say?" I questioned. 

Luke took a deep breath "so they asked me what do you think about Jasmine?" begins Luke, imitating their voices. My mouth curved upwards and a smile fell upon my features. 

"And I said-" says Luke. He paused to clear his throat and looked away in a shy manner.  My heart fluttered at his sudden shyness. "Nah I shouldn't tell you."

"Luke!" I say and hit in on his arm "you got me excited!"

Luke laughed "sorry you looked cute when your excited" he said. My heart beat rapidly, pounding loudly in my chest.

"So anyway" he continues "I said-"

"Yes, go on" I say, rolling my eyes playfully. 

"When I look at Jasmine it's like looking at gold. I'm breathless" he beings, his eyes fill with emotion as he speaks, his orbs are focused on mine. 

"Her eyes shine like the stars in the night sky and are filled with this endless sparkle. When I look in them I can see the ocean, that's how blue they are. When she smiles a true meaningful smile, it could end all wars. It's truly the most beautiful thing in the world. It could capture anyone in a trance. She certainly has caught me in one. Jasmine herself, is captivating. She is magnificent like the Earth itself, and that to other people would be insanely impossible but to me....she is the Earth. She is magnificent like the Earth."

My bottom lip quivered as tears leaked out of my eyes, streaming down my cheeks and dripping down onto the table. A smile still remained on my face. 

"And when she looks at me, it's like time stands frozen and there is nothing else there but her. And that......that is more magnificent than the universe itself."