Thirty One Things I Never Told You

The Sixth Thing I Never Said

    You. Hurt. Me. And i don't need you, i never needed anybody. I cant believe that you hit me, Lucas. I came upstairs to make sure you were okay and you hit me. Today we go back on campus, how do you think i will look with two hand prints on my face?!

......

    The past three weeks were tough, going on campus with a hungover Lucas. But i knew that today would be worse. Yesterday, April 4th, Saturday, was the day he hit me. Today, April 5th, Monday, is the start of a shitty week without friends.

      Farkle stayed over yesterday with me, just in case Lucas got in. Zay stayed upstairs with Lucas to keep him in his room. And Riley? She doesn't even know. I mean, how would she know? Its not like she was around anymore. Basically right now... Riley was nothing but a bad memory.

     I walked through the front doors of my campus and into my first class, art. I rushed in and kept a hand over the marks on my face. There were some people in the hall and i didn't want them to see. I fixed my hair so that it would cover the bruise. I sat down quietly in the front of the class. In the back is where they have the isles. In all the madness lately... this is exactly what i needed... an escape.

    "Hello class, you may be wondering why Mrs. Johnson isn't here today. Well, that's because she has been fired. i am your new art teacher, Mrs. Brinning. Your first assignment is to draw your four core feelings at the moment. This is due by the end of the period, do not let me down." Mrs. Brinning said.

   All right lets do this. I went to my isle and put up a fresh canvas and began on my first picture... envy.

I was envious that the man i loved was marrying my best friend. I drew an eye, arched eyebrow indicating anger and the reflection of a couple on they're honeymoon.

   That took about 15 minutes, i didn't color that one because in my point of view jealousy and envy were black and white.

  I moved onto my next picture picking up a new canvas.

Sadness.

    I began to sketch lightly. I drew the outline of a heart. It was covered in scars, bruises, and stitches. I wrote all over the paper.

There are things i said i would never do, there are fears i cannot believe have come true, for my soul is too sick too little and too late... and my self i have grown too weary to hate.

That one was easy  was saving my time for the last two because they were realistic drawings of faces. The next one was fear.

I drew a woman in the dark with a hand over her mouth. She couldn't show emotion with her mouth, her eyes said it all. This picture was all about domestic violence. Lucas hit me and this was my way of expressing how scared i was, since i had nobody to confide in.

   I painted the hand red to exemplify how much anger and rage was needed to hit somebody, out of nowhere. I knew he was just drunk but still, how was i supposed to forgive him after he hit me?

I finished that and i was on to my next picture. I didn't need paint for this one, so i put my pallet away and covered the jars of paint. I got the special pencils that i needed to shad this picture. I got a white one to highlight some parts of the girls face.

   This was the strongest of all of my feelings at the moment. It was a girl screaming looking like she was about to cry, eyes closed tight. Hair glistening and face seemingly red hot although the picture i drew was black and white.

I finished with time to spare so i just thought about things, like, when i would visit my mother or when i would sell a painting of mine. I was trying so hard to stray my song but i couldn't even take a minute to calm down.

My eyes drooped, it was only 7:30 in the morning, i took the ear classes so i could get out early in the day to go out.

"Alright class we will present now." Mrs.Brinning said. I nodded.

"Do we have anyone who would like to go first?" she asked.

"Show of hands? No?" She asked.

"Alright Mrs. Hart looks like your going first, please bring up all four canvas's" She said looking at me intently.

I nodded and gathered m pictures and paintings and walked toward the front.

"Okay Ms. Hart, what is he first drawing of? Whats the feeling?"

"Envy."

I held up my picture of the eye. The class admired my painting for 30 seconds before i continued.

"The next, sadness." I held up the picture of the tattered heart.

"In case you cannot see, it says: There are things i said i would never do, there are fears i cannot believe have come true, for my sou is too sick too little and too late... and my self i have grown too weary to hate." The class studied my picture as Mrs. Brinning jotted down notes and admired my pictures.

"Fear." I said holding up my domestic violence picture. I lost my grip on the painting so i dipped down to catch it before it fell and my hair fell out of place and made the bruised on my cheek visible. I quickly covered my cheek with one hand, but it was too late. The whole class gasped. I felt tears well up in my eyes.

  "U, i was abused yesterday and i was,i was so scared and so i drew this and-" I was cut off by Mrs. Brinning.

"Maya, you don't have to share, i understand that its hard, i have been where you are." She confided.

I Nodded and put down my canvas to pick up my final one.

"Anger."

"I'm angry that i was so weak, i couldn't help myself and i let him hurt me, and i just wish i would have fought back, i could have died. And all i was trying to do was help him." I confided in the class, never confirming that it was in fact the schools beloved football star, Lucas Friar.

  "Alright class, that's enough for today e will continue this tomorrow, leave your canvas's here and make you way to your next class. hank you Ms. Hart for sharing with us and i hope you have a better day today. I am here if you ever need help." She said, i was surprised because usually in collage teachers don't really care, i'm happy that i have found the Mr. Mathews of collage.

   I nodded and grabbed my bag and left, trailing a scent of acrylic paint and charcoal down the hall. All throughout the hall i received sorry's and pitty from my classmates from art. I just nodded and kept my head down.

My scar was visible to everybody.

Now everybody knows that i was the abused girl.