Thirty One Things I Never Told You

The Nineteenth And Twentyith Things I Never Said.

    I woke up feeling unusually overwhelmed. Everything just hit me.

Like a brick.
    I got up with a pounding in my head, and walked to the living room. I want to smoke so bad.
I know it's dangerous, and everybody who knows, aka my mother and Missy, are against it.
   I started smoking in high school. Peer pressure. Peer pressure is underrated. Its a lot more powerful than it is thought to be.
I told Lucas that I quit, and i did!
I just relapsed, thats all.

I opened the draw, and took the box out  with care.

I sat on the couch with the box in my lap. I stared at it for a while, thinking about the consequences.
Smoking Consequences:
•lung cancer
• pre matured wrinkled skin
• tooth decay
• nasty stale smell that follows you everywhere.
• shortened life.

    All of them are terrible. But then again we all die at one point.
   I heard the familiar jiggle of the window.
"Mayyya. Im troubled." Lucas groaned as he flopped down on the couch.
   "Tell me something I don't already know." I said while discreetly moving the box out of his sight.
" I'm seriously serious May, its about marrying Riley."  Did you hear that? No? Well, that there was the sound of my soul dying.

   "Lucas all you do is talk about the weddin-" i began only to be cut off by Lucas.
"Thats the problem, i don't want to marry Riley." Did you hear that? Oh, it was just the sound of my soul resurrecting and doing a happy dance!...but Lucas doesn't need to know that.
  "I mean, the way she treats you is terrible. And i hold you above all because you are the best friend i ever had. Shes not the Riley i fell in love with. I cant marry her, i don't even want to be in a relationship with her any longer."

And just when i get more hope...

KABOOSH!

Friend zoned.
  
I zoned out, just processing what he said. I just don't understand what reason Riley has for being so spiteful, other than jealousy.
" whatever makes you happy Lucas." I said, then closed mouth smiling.

"Well i gotta go, break the news to Riley now. I hope she wont be too angry." Lucas said as he walked over to hug me goodbye.

His embrace made my stomach erupt-
    I was going to say in butterflies, but that would be a huge understatement.
He ruffled my hair and then left out the window.
I sighed and went back to looking at the box. I traced the intricate patterns of the dream catcher on the cover.

Closing my eyes and deciding against taking a smoke.
I started humming  car radio by twenty one piolets.

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence

I sang quietly as i sat the box next to myself.
My mind was racing
Lucas
Smoke
College
Mrs.Mathews
Just smoke
My mom
Smoke Maya, you know you want to.
But Lucas-
JUST SMOKE ALREADY, OBVIOUSLY YOU FUCKING NEED IT.

I needed-
I mean, i want to smoke. But is it worth it?
I glanced at the clock displayed next to my tv.
7:57 pm.
Its been hours since Lucas left.
6 hours.
I sure hope he is okay.

I waited and waited.
And waited.

Until i couldn't take it anymore i got my jeans and boots and jacket, got dressed
And went out the window.

•Lucas's P.O.V•
I told Riley about it and she was angry at first. You know the...
Im the best thing you'll ever have!
I haven't changed!
Your being ridiculous!
Type of thing.
But then she calmed down and just accepted it, escorting me out of her home and closing the door in my face.

Nice.

    I climbed up the side if our building and bumped into Maya.

"Maya what are you doing out here? I thought you were staying at home." I asked her.

"Well you were out really long and i wanted to make sure that you were okay." She said looking embarrassed.

"So you do care ma'am." I said tipping my imaginary hat. Maya wasn't cold hearted like she wants to come off as, shes actually really sweet.

"If i didn't i wouldn't be your best friend in the world now would i? Ranger Rick." She scoffed, backing up into her apartment.
I followed her in and watched as she took off her jacket. She was beautiful, but i never looked at her as more than a friend.

Until now.

On her side, there was a box.
Something important i suppose.
I can tell by the ways her eyes widened when she noticed i was looking at it.
I got up and snatched the box before she could stop me.

"Whats in the box, clutterbucket?" I asked with a joking smile.
"Lucas give it back." She warned getting up from her seat.

I held it high above my head and she jumped fir it each time her chest hitting mine as she tried to get the box.
"Why are there like stocker pics of josh I'm here?" I asked, i think she still has a crush on him.
Even though i wish she liked me.
"Lucas. Im serious." I noticed that her face was hard. Like stone. She was afraid her face was like a warning but her eyes showed that she was scared.

I dropped my joking attitude now becoming as serious as Maya.

"Why?" I asked her.
"Thats not important." She said flatly.
"Why wont you tell me Maya?" I asked kind of hurt that she thought she couldn't tell me.
"Because you wont be happy." She said vaguely.
"Maya..." I trailed off.
"Im going to open the box." I said, she didn't fight back she just lowered her head and braced herself.

I opened the box with care, and saw something i really didn't want to see.
Cigarettes and a lighter.

"Maya..." I trailed off.
"I know I'm disgusting, its disgusting." Maya said angrily as she flailed her arms.
"You told me you quit." I said, processing the situation.
"And i did Lucas i swear, its just last night everything was happening and Riley called and we fought and then Alaya and the party and i was, i am so stressed about everything and i just needed to-" i cut her off.
•Maya's P.O.V•
He kissed me.
He cut me off and kissed me.
Unless in dreaming.
Yeah thats it.
He put his hands on my hips and i tangled fingers in his hair. Just savoring the moment as much as i could.
He pulled me closer and broke the kiss putting his forehead against mine.

Out of breath from the kiss, we said nothing. Just looking at each other.

Just happy in each others presence.

......
You actually kissed me, probably just to shut me up.
But.... You still kissed me.