Something filthy about Mr.Haynes

Mad men in my house

This isn't me, I kept repeating myself, while concentrated on the darkening skies and wet road in front of me. My hands grips the steering wheel so tight the knuckles goes white. I hate this feeling inside my head. I never was this...lost? Nervous? Mad?

I catch myself thinking about her again. My senses are on alert, I don't know what exactly it is, but I feel like something's not quite right. And these thought bothers me. It's not like I only want to torture her in ways I didn't try yet on anyone else before, or make her scream, beg, or plead and cry. Not only the view of blood spilling on the ground I desire. There's more than that. Something filthy I want to do to her,yet i'm doubting at the same time.

Yeah... We're going for Serene. Couple of hundreds miles left and she will be with me. Finally mine. I can't wait to finally hold her fragile body in my arms. I know, I know! I can't think about her this way. It's not why i'm about to crash her whole life in front of her eyes kidnapping her. And i'm never doing the same mistake I did to Michelle. Fuck, I was so stupid. I lost control. I lost myself at the moment. Seems that everything I do lately is trying to focus once more. Starting everything from zero.

This isn't me.

I gazed at the rear-view mirror. Sam and Paul are both sleeping. The rest are back at the warehouse, preparing something special for tonight. I know how terrified Serene will be when she figures things out. Damn, it's like I could kill for that expression on her face. How she'll cry and beg me to stop, when I cause her pain she never even thought existed.

I push the acceleration pedal, making van growl louder. I'm so excited and both nervous. It's like i'm running blind around, knowing not which way I should mess with her. Would it be just a potion to make the experiment complete and get more money from Morgan? Or... would I keep her just to myself?

I'm not the one who's sharing.

I keep a breath in. Harrod. The next problem I gotta deal with when we get back. I didn't think about anything so far. I know the second I turn my back at him, he would use it against me.

And Serene? I need her run away before I catch her into my claws. Before we start playing. Before I damage her so bad there's a mark on her flesh leavin' it's trace till the very end. Till it's covered with shroud of freezing blood on perfectly white snow. Twisted and broken.

The way i'll rip off her clothes and amused look she'll give me when I scare her leaning upon, caressing her body, her tight breasts and when finally she moans. Not out of the pain, but out of pure pleasure. Before I kiss her goodbye, and slit her throat.

Just stop, I repeat to myself, i won't do this to her.

I watch at the rear view mirror again, catching a glimpse of those black eyes gazing back at me. I shake my head, praying those whispers in my head to finally hush once and for all.

These are my men here, they are ready for work and what I do? I doubt. This is insane.

There's nothing left of me in this man I see in a mirror. Two broken hands trying to pull puzzled peaces into one. It's like i'm fading. Being replaced with someone else. Something else.

I have to regain control.

And watch the world fall if I refuse to hurt her? These men trust their lives with me, they need a strong and focused leader.

I'm not killing her. She's so pretty. She really is something.

Woke up screaming tonight. This isn't me. This creature the other night. It did something to me. I wasn't aware of that. But something broke inside of me. It's like I see myself somewhere deep down, in the same place I left her body ripped open, soaking in blood, now staring at this monster inside. It's like i've been dead for so long.