One In A Million

Chapter 45

17/12/2014

- Chicago -

The first snow had begun to fall over Chicago, but there was that one detail I forgot of, the icy cold. Anyway, no matter how cold and the amount of snow falling, I brought my nose out of the house. I had to had this walk at the park, to see people, and some movements around me, breathing some air had become an urgent need. Since my emergency arrival here, I didn't dare to step out of Jesse's apartment, and it has been something of extremely irritating, as I was the kind of person who was in constant activity. I STILL had some bruises, scratches on my face, but I didn't care, all I wanted was to walk and clear my head off from the negative ideas stuck in.

I had wandered around Lake Shore public park since about an hour, walking with an empty mind, unaware of where I was supposed to go, I was like one of these zombies from the Walking Dead, yes a zombie, with no more sense of humanity, brainless, heartless, dead from the inside, a horrible monster. I had this lousy pain still in my chest, never it left my body since the day I ran away, and left my beloved ones all behind, and Marco. Yes, I knew that I was the worst person ever. He didn't deserve that, not him, not Marco. I swallowed a sip of the hot cocoa milk I bought earlier at the park mini van shop, when a stupid smile abruptly widened my lips, I allowed my mind to escape for a short seconds, in my most cherish dream, I visioned that Marco and I could sat here, on the same bench, our hands clasped into each other, perhaps we would be laughing at some of his ridiculous jokes that him had the secret only, I allowed this brief moment of total happiness, but after I came back to the reality far from the sweet candies dreamy land, all turned black and sad inside. The DM messages I exchanged with Sophia had been more painful than I had expected to, I was feeling her sadness all the way, I was so damn missing my Sophia, my sister. It was the very first time I had a real conversation since I left Germany, though we had very brief Skype video calls. She had her head really focused on her studies and I didn't want to bother her at that time, so we catch up on Insta eventually. Not even being able to give your new phone number to your own sister was totally sick. What had surprised me was definitely how she stood up for me when I found the courage enough at telling her that Marco and I were done. I knew Marco had contacted her many times when this one was desperately looking for me, asking if she had on my news. Sophia had been always so protective towards me, if somebody tried to hurt me, that person would get in trouble for sure. So when she found out for Marco and I, without asking some fundamental questions, she said first "If that Marco Reus did hurt you in any way, I'll kill him sis". Such of a brutal reaction, but not shocking to me, that was Sophia. So it took me like up to 45 minutes to type this long message via Insta DM, a message filled with an absurd fake stories, pretending that I had enough of him, and was just tired of his celebrity status, the fans, fangirls, and how I lost my privacy, and that dating a footballer could be the biggest mistake ever, damn what a huge lie. I didn't want to create some tensions between Sophia and Sophia, as they had a very friendly relationship, it had to. As a result of that break up, I moved out of Germany without telling anyone, that I was in need of a new air to found myself again. Also that I had no idea when I would return home in Berlin, and everything was fine on my side. Did I miss my vocation at lying, I bet I did. I was missing my Sophia and mom so much, so much :(.

Also Kaylee had given me on Marco's news almost everyday, and how couldn't I worried about him, and his weird behavior. He missed many physio reeducation sessions with his personal therapist, shown some effrontery towards His coach Jurgen, something that Marco would never allowed to come up, this one having the perfect respect for his elders. Marco was metamorphosing into someone else, literally trespassing the line of the line to the other side, the opposite of what Marco promised he'd never be, a bad man, and I was the only person who could be blamed for his misery.