All Because of This (a.i. m.c.)

All Because of The Things That Hurt

Well... This is awkward. Yes, this is Linn speaking, and I haven't been here for a while. Guys, I'm sorry. I don't even know what to say. I just felt like I owed you (and Brie, bless her American butt) some Ashton/Luke POV, so here we go. A little chapter from me. Enjoy.

//Linn

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Triggers: Mention of eating disorders and death

~Luke~

The world had a wonderful scent to it that day. It had been raining the previous night, leaving the pavement dark and wet. When the sun hit it a pleasant smell escaped it and blended together with the scent of the little pink flowers outside Ashton's house.

I stood in silence outside the house for a moment, breathing in the sweet scent and letting the sun burn into my back through my black T – shirt. I could feel a single drop of sweat trickling down my spine as I took a step forward and knocked on the front door. I heard the faint sound of footstep getting closer and then the door swung open. Miss Irwin greeted me with messy hair and sweet smile on her lips.

"Luke", she said. "Back already?"

I nodded. "I didn't want to leave Ashton alone. Don't think mum was too happy about it though."

I grimaced as I remembered how mum had demanded me to come home for dinner the previous night and almost didn't let me return to Ashton's house this morning.

Miss Irwin chuckled. "Don't worry dear, I'll talk to Liz. Do you want to come in?"

"Actually, could you make him come down? I want to take him to the park."

She nodded. "Good idea, I don't think he's been out of his room at all today. I'll go get him for you."

She disappeared up the stairs and I was left standing awkwardly at the door. I fiddled with my feet and let my eyes wander back and forth. I was usually quite comfortable in Ashton's house, but I didn't like waiting by the door. It made me uncomfortable. I could never decide if I was supposed to wait outside, step inside, close the door, leave the door open, look into the house without looking like a total creep or maybe start looking at my shoes instea–

I was greeted with the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs and sighed in relief. Miss Irwin appeared with Ashton behind her and I smiled at him.

"Hi", I said.

He looked at me through his messy locks and smiled weakly. "Hi."

"Listen, do you want to go get some ice cream or something? We could go to Anderson's by the park, get some fresh air and stuff." I looked at him hopefully, but Ashton's eyes had already started flickering and he looked highly uncomfortable.

"I don't think that would be – "

"Oh, nonsense", Ashton's mum broke in. "The park will do you both good. Now of you go, I don't want to see you back before dinner."

With that said she ushered Ashton out of the house, barely giving him time to grab a pair of shoes on the way out. He looked defeated as he stood there on his front lawn with his worn trainers in one hand, but I cheered him on as he pulled the shoes on his feet and then we were on our way to the park.

During our short walk I tried to cheer Ashton up with some stories and a few jokes, but he kept his grim expression. I couldn't blame him. What had happened – and was still happening – to Michael was having a great impact on me - I could only imagine how Ashton was feeling. The fact that it was natural for Ashton to feel like crap didn't ease my worry though. It wasn't healthy for Ashton to go through all these emotions. He barely talked and I was getting worried about how much food he was managing to get into his system. It didn't seem like a lot.

I had hoped that the park would cheer Ashton up, but when we got there it didn't seem like such a splendid idea after all. The park was filled with bright colours and laughing children, it was like a ball of bubbling happiness. The whole thing was such a contrast to what the two of us were feeling that it almost felt like a slap to the face. As we entered I even saw two guys making out, one with bouncing dark curls and another with a blond fringe that looked a little too much like another blond fringe I'd seen in the past. After that Ashton looked about ready to turn around and leave, but I was determined to make this day to something other than a total failure and promptly grabbed Ashton by the shoulders and started steering him towards Anderson's Ice Cream Café at the other side of the park.

We got a table at outside terrace in front of the café. It was way too hot and in the matter of seconds my T – shirt was soaked. I also got chocolate ice cream on my pants somewhere along the way. Ashton barely touched his ice cream. It was pretty close to the total failure I had been dreading, and since staying around wouldn't have helped, we left pretty quickly. So much for my determination.

The sun continued to burn through our clothes as we made our way back to Ashton's house. I started to ponder the fact it was so warm that early in the year, it was rather weird (we lived in Sweden, after all), but before I had time to think too much of it something caught my attention. Ashton had started to slow down and was swaying dangerously at my side. Slightly alarmed I came to a halt and grabbed him by the arm.

"Mate, you okay there?" I asked.

Ashton nodded, but at the same time he swayed dangerously and leaned into my touch. "Maybe just... Sit down?" he mumbled. I nodded quickly.

I led Ashton to the side of the road and he sat down heavily in the shade of a big tree. His elbows went up to his knees and he carefully placed his head in his upturned palms. I placed a light hand on his shoulder.

"Heat got too much for you?"

Ashton just grunted. I frowned.

"You're sweating quite a lot. Maybe you should take off your T- shirt for a minute and – " I stopped suddenly as I remembered my earlier concerns of Ashton not eating enough. A picture of Ashton poking his ice cream with his plastic spoon without taking a single bite popped into my head. "Ashton", I said carefully, "when was the last time you ate?"

I felt Ashton go perfectly still. He didn't answer me.

"Ashton", I said, my voice sounding slightly panicked. "Tell me."

"I'm not sure", he whispered.

"Twenty four hours?" I asked. "Twenty eight?"

"Closer to twenty eight", he mumbled.

I felt my insides go cold. "No."

Ashton finally looked up at me, his eye shining with unshed tears "Luke – "

"No", I said again, more forcefully this time. "You can't stop eating. Eating is the only thing you've never failed to do, not even when you were at your lowest. You can't start fucking that up now."

"I know", he said, "but after Michael – "

"You think Michael would have wanted this?!"

Ashton looked like he had been slapped in the face. He tried to push himself onto his feet and away from me, away from the conversation, but I grabbed his wrist and refused to let him go.

"I know it hurts Ashton", I said. "Believe me, I do. But this has to stop. You can't let this eat away on you like this. It will kill you. Literally. I'm not going to another funeral this year, Ashton. Especially not yours."

Ashton looked at me with wide eyes, and then nodded slowly. I pulled him closer to me and then we were hugging. I felt his warmth around me and closed my eyes.

"I'm not losing you like I lost her, got it?"

"Yeah." I could hear that Ashton was choking on tears as he said the word. His warm breath fanned my ear as he exhaled.

"Good. Now how about we go get some pizza?"

We rose from the ground. Ashton didn't complain once as stepped out onto the pavement walked back towards the city.