All Because of This (a.i. m.c.)

all because of cracks

i cannot stop listening to american beauty / american psycho. it's just so beautiful. *cries*

anyway, as my friend pointed out last chapter (which was somehow 9 pages what) it was quite depressing. um. i'm sorry, but it might get worse... :| eheheh.

god i am wicked sorry for the weight. god i'm sorry my life has been wicked busy and i'm only updating now because it's 1 in the morning and my brother is no longer forcing me to watch the walking dead (because the episode finished finally).

idea time! a youtube channel devoted to this account where we read our stories like an audio book. thoughts?

anyways, on to the chapter! i didn't reread it i'm too damn tired. sue me.

~BRIE~

***

to: ashestoashes@gmail.com

from: cliff_fuckoff_ord@gmail.com

triggers: none

hi ashy. ;]

i wish our skype calls could be on better terms. i wish we could see each other face to face. i wish i was happy. and i wish you were too. i wish we had good pasts. i wish we weren't broken. but we are.

have you ever heard the paramore song we are broken? because i have. and i was listening to it on repeat. why? i dunno. sometimes i think i hate myself more than i actually do. but i did it none the less.

i know how exactly you are gonna rreply to this ash. i know that you're gonna try to help me. but ashton. don't write your reply as you read this. just listen. for me. please.

it's getting bad ashton. even with calum's support. he tries to help me, but he fails a lot. it's not like it's his fault. it's all mine. but anyway, i'm struggling.

think of it this way. life is like an ocean. we're all dropped in, forced to tread water our whole lives. for most people, they sink a couple times, they simple can't hold themselves up. that's when their friends are able to dive down and save them. drag them back to the surface where they are finally able to breathe again. that's normal people.

some people though, get tied to an anchor in their life. tied to weights. each additional weight is a struggle. they manage to do it. they learn how. they figure it out. they fight and have friends who are willing to save them and sometimes they even find floaties. sometimes they're able to cut themselves free from at least a few of the weights.

and then there are even fewer people who basically start under water. they spend their whole lives trying to get to the surface where they can actually breathe. every now and then they manage, but they also get weights. and floaties are not a common thing that are found nearby. they have to get them from other people. but it's rare that they do.

i know who i am. do you?

god i'm exhausted. and it just keeps snowing. there's no where else for it to go. the snow farms are even full. how the fuck do those things get full? god dammit i hate the weather sometimes.

i should go to bed. night boo.

mikey-mike-mike