Thirteen Summers

thirty-seven

J O S I E

tw: disordered eating, thoughts

I was still feeling terrible by lunch that day. I thought talking with my friends would help but in fact, being around people at all while I was in pain only made me feel as though I was going crazy.

"Hey." I heard an annoyed voice from behind me, instantly recognising it as my twin brother's.

I turned around.

Caleb's eyes narrowed at the sight of my food in my friends' hands.

"What are you doing?" He pulled my lunch bag from the middle of the table, back towards me.

"Hey." Kiara scolded him, while eating my chocolate bar. "Your brother is annoying, Josie."

Caleb ignored her and continued lecturing me. "Rome said you need to eat so that means you eating your own food."

I looked back at my lunch bag which only had a small tub of grapes left, I rubbed the bandage on my hand nervously, I'd been caught.

I looked back up at him, sheepishly.

Caleb rolled his eyes, turning around as he muttered. "Come on, I'm gonna buy you some food."

"Please, Caleb." I followed after him, pulling him back to stop as my voice dropped to a whisper. "I don't want to eat, I feel really sick and horrible."

"That's literally why you need to eat, you're just making it worse." Caleb looked and sounded irritated, he was getting annoyed with me.

I frowned, pulling my hand back from his wrist.

I hated when he was in a mood, he'd take it out on anyone. It's been happening a lot more recently.

Caleb closed his eyes and sighed, clearly realising how he was acting and his tone softened.

"Look, I'm not trying to force you or anything, I know you don't like that but you haven't eaten at all today and it's gonna make you feel horrible in the long run, trust me."

I considered his reasoning for a second before shaking my head. I might feel horrible today but in the long run, I'd be healthier, fitter.

It would be worth it in the end.

"Just grapes are fine. I'm gonna throw up if I eat more, I know I am." I told him. "I'll eat after school."

Caleb was hesitant before he sighed. "Okay, fine then."

"Are you okay?" I mumbled, getting worried.

Caleb was quiet before he mumbled. "Yeah, I'm good. Just tired, I didn't get much sleep last night."

I took a good look at him, trying to spot any signs of discomfort.

"Is...Is your head hurting?" I whispered to him.

Caleb let out a sigh of frustration this time, at my question. "Josie, I am fine, eat your grapes."

I frowned and started walking away, back to my friends.

The way he was acting was making me sad but it was also pushing me to anger so the best choice would be to remove myself from his presence.

I felt a pit in my stomach at the realisation that this was probably how Cameron felt with me yesterday.

I sat back down on the table, a frown still on my face.

"Everything okay?" Kiara asked me, warily.

"Yeah, yeah. It's all good." I mustered up a smile.