Tinashe.
I walked into the room to see Chris sitting at the table, waiting for me. Happy he didn't bring anyone else along with him, today is the day I tell him. I didn't want to wait any longer, would be nicer if I told him when I'm out but today I feel strong and ready.
"Hey baby. I'm sorry about last week, I shouldn't have brought Jhene." Chris straight away apologised.
"It's alright. I'd prefer if it was just you but it doesn't matter, I got something more important to tell you." I said getting straight to the point too.
"Uh okay." Chris replied, taken back.
I smiled weakly, I took his hands and held them into mine. Looking into his eyes, he looks so worried.
"I was going to wait but I have done enough waiting... I have kept a secret from you for such a long time, thinks it time to tell you, I just don't know how-
"You didn't cheat before did you?" Chris cut me off.
"Really nigga?! You know how much we both hate cheating, you know I hate when you say that shit." I snapped, the old Tinashe creeping back.
Cheating just pisses me off. I couldn't do that. If you cheat then that's when you know you don't love the person you're with, just leave them before you hurt them.
I should of left Chris before I came such a pain. Now it's just too hard to leave.
"Right, right. Sorry just, shit, I don't know." Chris sighed, noticing how stupid he was for saying that.
"Okay. I'm just going to say it. I can't have children." I blurted out before I pussy out.
"Yeah whatever T, is that your way of telling me you don't want kids?" Chris snapped.
"What? No. I want a future with you Chris." I firmly spoke, feeling offended. "I got pregnant with you at twenty one, when I went to double check, I found out if I have a baby the baby could die, or I could die, or even both." I explained.
Chris face dropped, he sat back in his seat letting go of my hands. His face was showing so many emotions. This is when I wish I could read minds.
"Tell me how you feel Chris... I'm sorry I never told you, I was just scared you would leave me." I apologised.
"What about now? How comes you told me know?" Chris asked in confusion.
"About time you know, I can't keep it from you forever."
"You thought I was going to leave you before, what about now?" Chris asked.
It's like his avoiding what I just told him. This wasn't what I was expecting, but at the same time I didn't know what was going to happen.
"I think it's time for you to leave me... Find someone else, someone better." I spoke sadly, as I knew it was the truth.
"You're over me?" Chris took his eyes off me and looked at the floor.
"No. I will always love you. You should just find someone while I'm in here, it may be easier."
"We riding to the end. This place must off fucked up your mind and feelings. I wouldn't leave you because things got rough, we struggle through until things get better. Shit is going to get bad but they always become good too in the end. As long as we are together we can get through anything, me and you to the end right?" Chris rambled, expressing his feelings to me.
Me and Chris don't do a lot of the lovey dovey talk, so I didn't really know how to react. I didn't know how to express my feelings back. So I took a few seconds, closing my eyes. I kept my eyes closed as I just let my heart speak to him.
"I know that. We always said we will always be together but at the same time all good things come to a end... My love for you won't either end though, the memories we shared won't ever end...Don't avoid what I said either, I can't have kids. I know there's adoption but it isn't the same. Wouldn't you love a kid which looks like you? Acts like you?" I questioned, finally opening my eyes to see Chris looking deeply at me.
"Of course I would love a little me. But more importantly I would love a family with you. It's always been you. You been away and I haven't even tried to do anything with anyone else because you have my heart. Shit I'm sounding so cheesy and corny and gay as fuck but I love you T." He expressed.
Not really the place to be expressing feelings but I know if I'm on the outside I would avoid topics like this.
"Tell me what else you're thinking... I know that's not all of it, tell me." Chris begged, taking my hands again in his.
My throat got caught, as if I couldn't speak. It took a few breaths, then let my voice flow out on its own.
"I'm scared. Adoption kids have had bad life's already, me raising them will just fuck them up even more. I don't know how to be a mother." I told him.
"I don't know how to be a father. But together we will learn how to be parents. We would give them the best life's." Chris promised.
"Them?" I giggled lightly.
"I was thinking at least two, we would be a bomb ass family." Chris chuckled.
I generally smiled, just seeing his face light up like that made my heart pound.
"We could always get someone to have our babies..." Chris suggested.
"That's money we don't have. To pay someone for that then all the baby costs. You just got that job so I doubt you getting paid loads."
Meeting visiting ended, everyone started to say their goodbyes.
"Don't worry about that, will sort it. Just think about it." Chris told me as he got up, I got up too.
He wrapped me in a big firm hug, kissing the side of my cheek as he let go.
"I love you Chris."
I said his real name for once. Everyone calls him by Breezy.
"I love you too Tinashe." He smiled lightly.
I watched as he left. Feels a relief to finally tell him but now I still got loads of thinking to do. I prepared myself for him being mad and leaving me. But his staying he still wants to have a family with me. I'm happy but at the same time at the back of my mind I know his better of with someone else.
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1) Happy she finally told him?
2) You think Chris should leave Tinashe?
3) You think they will still have a family or will Tinashe say no still?
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Someone Else
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